Instead of Seeking Praise, Seek Criticism
Several years ago, I had a girlfriend who would literally fly off the handle at the slightest criticism. It didn’t matter who was criticizing her. She would call people ugly, smelly, short – whatever attack she could muster in response to what she perceived as criticism.
She would also do everything within her power to avoid being criticized. In school, for example, many mornings she would work until 4 a.m. to ensure she got a perfect grade in her class. In her personal life, she made sure to only associate with people she knew would never criticize her.
What You Will Learn
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Her father was the one who’d influenced her to be such a perfectionist. As a student, when he took the SATs and missed one question, he’d retaken it so he could get a perfect score.
Understandably, people generally try to avoid criticism. Yet most of us realize it is a part of life and have found a way to deal with it, rather than run away from it.
When I first got to law school, I was amazed at how critical law professors were. Every single piece of logic students offered was criticized – publicly. As a result, in the first few weeks of school, one man got so upset he dropped out of school. However, almost all of the other students ended up gaining a better understanding of what they needed to do to be on their toes when they were giving answers in class – the same way lawyers are expected to be on their toes in court.
Getting approval is very easy. If you ask enough people for approval, someone will give it to you. You can always find at least one person who will tell you exactly what you want to hear. In fact, many people do everything in their power to find and surround themselves with people who will always say positive things about them and give them approval.
A few months ago I was working with several writers in our company to assist them with improving their writing. I would review their work publicly on a screen and show them what they needed to do in order to improve their work and be more focused on the needs of job seekers. At the time, we were writing articles about how to find jobs. Incredibly, within three months of starting this process, seven out of nine writers ended up quitting.
Their manager told me the writers quit because they did not want to be criticized. Apparently, many of the writers felt they were not getting paid enough to be criticized, and if I had wanted to criticize them, they should have been paid more money. I never knew that not wanting to improve in your job had anything to do with how much you were paid.
I felt these writers were an interesting example of American competitiveness. One of the reasons I was so impassioned about the writers improving their work, and why I spent so much time working with them, was that many of the articles they were writing could have been written elsewhere more cheaply. I wanted the skills of our writers to be known and for their work to be strong. Instead, some of them simply refused to rise to the occasion.
Much of the work our companies do is accomplished overseas in places like Romania and India. In high school, I spent some time in Asia. There I saw a work ethic that’s much different from what we’re accustomed to in the United States. In order to really thrive in this world, you need to work very hard. The people we are competing with can be much hungrier than we are, both literally and figuratively. With access to the Internet, there really are no borders in business anymore. People in other countries can produce information-based products as efficiently as we can.
In order to improve, you need to ask yourself what you can do to grow, evolve, and excel. Your competitors are asking themselves this. You also need to ask the people around you what you should be doing differently.
Unfortunately, many people are reluctant to offer criticism when you ask for advice about ways to improve. However, when you do receive constructive criticism, you need to make absolutely sure you listen to it and apply it to your skills, methods, and understanding of your job
I want to offer a few pieces of career advice to you for your job search that may seem outrageous, but which can really change how you go about looking for a job.
First, if you go into an interview and end up not getting the job, you have nothing to lose by calling the company and asking them why you did not get the job and what you could do to improve. Tell human resources directors their comments are off the record. They may answer you and they may not. If you get an answer, incorporate it into how you interview in the future.
Second, ask people around you if they believe you have any personal weaknesses you need to work on regarding interviewing. Ask them if they believe you have any grooming patterns you should reconsider. Make sure people are not shy about being completely honest with you. Get information you can use.
Third, think back to every criticism you have ever received from an employer and think about what you can do differently going forward. You need to learn from past criticisms in order to improve.
Most people fail to learn from criticism and therefore cannot adapt in response to it. You need to make sure you incorporate criticism into what you do, to ensure you become a better person. People who listen to criticism improve. Even the best athletes have coaches. CEOs of major corporations have coaches. People need to learn from others in order to get better.
Praise may make you feel good, but you need criticism to make yourself stronger and better.
Harness the Power of Your Subconscious Mind to Get a Job and Improve Your Career
I know of so many people who fail to get jobs and, ultimately, do not have good careers because they keep their minds cluttered with things that have nothing to do with their job search. I have wanted to write for some time about how to harness the subconscious mind in your job search. Many people get suspicious about this topic, however.
The wonderful thing about our minds is they can empower us. However, they can also lead us away from what we are trying to achieve. Throughout my career I have done my best to help people understand the power of the subconscious mind, especially in a job search. It is one of the most important factors to be aware of when it comes to looking for work. In fact, I think having an awareness of the subconscious mind is what enables the most successful people out there to achieve their goals.
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I would like to tell you a few stories about very successful people I have known and how they’ve used their subconscious minds to really shine.
As a child, I grew up with a friend who was a championship swimmer. To look at him, I could not figure out why he was so successful. Where the other swimmers were long and lean, he was heavyset. He had a secret, though. A few hours before every swim meet, he would say he was going to take a nap. He would not sleep, however. Instead, he would visualize what he wanted to happen at the swim meet. He visualized himself winning each race. He told me he viewed this as more important than swim practice.
My friend did this instinctively. No one told him to do it. No one taught him. He was naturally inclined to motivate his subconscious mind. He was creating the result he wanted by visualizing it. He saw what the race would look like, how hard he would need to push himself to win, what it would sound like when he won. This process worked for him.
Several years later, I was in Harper Library at the University of Chicago. A friend next to me was studying for an economics test. This friend never studied for more than an hour or two for any test. Other students, like me, would hole up for weeks in the library cramming for the same tests. He would breeze through each exam and enjoy some downtime while others were studying. All he would do was look briefly at the page he was studying, then look up and begin thinking for a few minutes. I asked him later what he was doing. He told me he was visualizing what would happen in each economics problem. This was a unique use of his subconscious mind. Here, he was becoming incredibly familiar with the subject matter and incorporating it into who he was, and into his entire understanding about life. He was someone who received perfect grades and went on to do very important work in the field of economics.
There are many ways to program your subconscious mind in order to become the kind of person you want to be. Programming your mind can put you in the job you desire and get you the promotions and advancement that you seek, if you do it correctly. The most popular way to program your subconscious mind, of course, is through visualization. Visualize the result you want to achieve before the event – the interview or whatever else you are pursuing. But it goes much deeper than this. In order to truly get the job you want and become the person you want to be, you must learn to harness your subconscious mind to the degree that your perception of yourself and the world changes.
I have read and studied a great deal about the subconscious mind in my life. Most studies recommend you write down the result you are seeking and then review this result at least 1-3 times per day and repeat it out loud to yourself. For example, you could write down:
By the first of January, I am employed as an engineering manager by a prominent Mid-Western company, earning at least $80,000 a year. I like my job and I have found a company that is a good fit for me in all respects. My company is stable and I like the people with whom I’m working. I have upward potential in the company and am on course to earn a bonus of at least $20,000 the following year.
By reading this over and over, you will magnetize yourself to attract this result. You will also see the world in terms of providing opportunities for you to reach this goal. You will constantly be reminded of this goal and your energies will be directed toward achieving it.
Some years ago, I became very interested in flying and I took pilot lessons. What is so interesting about flying is that you need to correct your course thousands of times during a flight in order to reach your goal. If you stop correcting, you will never arrive at your destination. In an airplane, you use the instruments at hand to constantly check whether you are on or off course. The goals you write down are similar to these instruments. You need to constantly check them to make sure you will reach your destination.
Writing down goals is something you need to do to get where you want to go. You are the person you believe you are. If you set higher goals for yourself, you will likely reach them.
In addition to writing down your goals, another way to charge yourself up and create lasting change is through self-hypnosis or life-hypnosis. I have been doing this daily in one form or another for over 20 years. Essentially, this simply involves going into a deeply relaxed state and repeating to yourself what you want to achieve. You can do this yourself or you can even purchase an MP3 player to guide you into a state of self-hypnosis. I think these methods are extremely effective and should be used by everyone. They are a wonderful way to get your subconscious mind pointed in the right direction.
Most people will not follow the advice I am offering because they may feel it’s far fetched. But I want to assure you that it works. Doing everything possible to positively influence the subconscious mind had produced consistently amazing results, in my life, and in the lives of others around me.
You will never reach the levels of success you are seeking, and deserve, until you have learned to visualize where you are going. Remind yourself daily of who you want to be and who you can be. Never stop reminding yourself of what you are going to achieve and become.
I want to describe a small exercise I perform daily which has had fairly profound results in attracting positive energy. Remember, you are what you think, and the more positive you are, the more positive people you will attract in your life, and the more positive you will become.
Each morning I go running for about 55 minutes. During this run, I start asking myself:
-What am I happy about in my life now?
-What am I proud of in my life now?
-What am I grateful for in my life now?
-Who do I love in my life?
-Who have I helped today, and who do I want to help?
I constantly train my mind to focus on the positive, and I do this for no less than 10 minutes a day. This makes me happier to see people throughout the day. It makes me excited to contribute and help others. It makes people attracted to me in positive ways.
Think about yourself. Do you get down about your current job search? Are you angry about having to look for a job? You need to stay in a good frame of mind, and to train your subconscious mind to dwell on positive, happy, and harmonious thoughts. This is the final factor that will allow your subconscious mind to guide you into your perfect job.
If you follow this career advice, you will actually get more than just a better job. You will change your entire life experience. Harnessing your subconscious mind is something that has changed the lives and futures of everyone I know who has done it, for the better. It will change your life for the better, too.
Focus on Other Geographic Areas to Get Your Job Search Going
“The median job search among those winning positions in the third quarter lasted nearly 4.4 months,” up from 3.6 months in the second quarter.
It’s also notable that 13.4 percent of the job seekers ended up relocating to take new positions. That’s up from a first-quarter figure of 8.9 percent, but still lower than the share who relocated in 2006 and most of 2007.
Moving is stressful and expensive, and some people may simply be unwilling to take that step. However, fewer people are relocating, no doubt, due to the state of the housing market. Job seekers eager to move for the right job may find themselves trapped by an inability to sell their homes, and perhaps are even wishing they were renters right now.
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One of the reasons it’s taking so much longer for many to find employment is that many areas of the United States have been devastated by the economy, and there are fewer jobs available in those areas. The troubled automotive industry has had a serious effect on the Michigan economy, for example. Regardless of the economic status of the area where you live and work, you may be in a position in which you should consider relocating to find a job. If you are under economic pressure, relocating and getting a job may be a crucial priority for you right now.
Relocating isn’t always an easy decision to make. However, relocating for a job is perfectly normal and is something you should not hesitate to do. This is especially true if you’re living in Detroit or another area of the country where your skills are no longer in demand. Essentially, the entire history of the United States was essentially built around people who relocated here because they felt there were better opportunities.
For most of us, our careers and the time we spend at work take up most of our waking hours. Considering this, you need to be focused on finding an area of the United States or the world where people are seeking and hiring workers with your given skills.
It is extremely important you live in an area where your skills are in demand. Life is in many ways like a game, and so is your career. If you were a fisherman, would you rather spend your career working in a small lake with a few fish or a large ocean with many fish? The more opportunities, and the more competition there is for your skills in your market the better off you will be. You need to put yourself where the action is to survive.
Several years ago I was working at a federal judicial clerkship job in Michigan. In three months, the clerkship would be over and I needed to find a job. Although I already had a job lined up with a New York City law firm, I wanted to get a job in California. I sent a targeted mailing of résumés out to legal employers in California. I meant to send my résumés only to major cities, like Los Angeles and San Diego, but also ended up targeting several small towns by mistake. I received several calls from law firms in small towns, and they all had similar questions:
Why was I applying to a law firm in a small town?
Who did I know in the small town?
Was I also applying to law firms in larger cities?
One of the potential employers from a small town firm called me and asked those questions because he was worried that, if I did not have a connection to the small town, I would simply leave if I did not like the job.
Employers want you to have a connection to the area if you are relocating, because they are concerned you will not have incentive to stick around. They get nervous if you are looking at employers in larger cities as well because they feel like you are less interested in them.
The questions about why I was relocating did not come up as much in larger cities. Employers in cities like New York are generally of the opinion anyone would want to relocate there because New York is New York. People in smaller markets are a little less confident. As a general job search strategy, I would recommend you stress the fact you have a real interest in the company and believe it’s a perfect place for you based on your personal interests, as well as your future career goals.
Generally, employers like to hear you have close family in a given geographic area. If you do not, you may have a significant other or friends there, or perhaps you went to college or grew up there. The point is you want to assure them you have some sort of personal connection to the area. Absent family or friends, you should focus on the company and your sincere interest in them.
As an aside, I want to bring up an important piece of career advice about applying for a position outside of where you currently live. The employer receiving your résumé is going to wonder why you are applying there and not in your own geographic area. You never want to send the message you are unemployable or cannot find a job where you currently live. Employers want to hire people who are “winners” and are employable in all markets. Therefore, you should never approach an employer by telling him or her that you cannot get a job where you live. Prospective employers should believe you are relocating because of reasons related to your personal long-term growth objectives–not because you have been defeated in trying to get a job in your existing market.
In a down market, many people end up stuck with large mortgages and unsold homes. They feel saddled with this and cannot relocate. If you are in a market that is getting worse and worse by the day, you may have to relocate before you sell your home. This is not something that you should be talking about with your potential employer, however.
An employer does not want to feel guilty you may be leaving an unsold home behind. Sharing this sort of information can also hurt you because the employer will suspect you have to return to your hometown to deal with the situation. Keep such personal matters to yourself in your job search. Never give them any possible reason to believe you are not their ideal candidate.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it, you will land among the stars.