•    How do you respond to a failure in your career? •    How do you respond to failed relationships? •    How do you respond to mistakes you may have made?

If you look at the careers of the most successful people, you will generally see they have had one bad failure after another. For some reason though, some people choose to learn from their experiences and keep going. Every adversity we experience contains the seed of an equivalent benefit. It is not easy to go back and learn what you may had done wrong, learn lessons from this, fix what may have gone wrong and see the new possibilities before you. Many people choose to define themselves based on their failures in things like relationships, jobs, or careers. Based on these failures, they decide that they are not worthy; should avoid certain jobs, people, and situations; and will remain content with a life that is less than they are capable of. This is one of the biggest mistakes anyone can make in their life. Once their spirit is broken, many people stop trying. They stop exposing themselves to challenging situations and stop growing. What you need to realize is that every experience you have is an asset–not a liability. Every bad experience you have had allows you to realize what you may have done wrong in the past and tells you what actions to avoid in the future–or where to improve. If you find someone staying for a long period of time in a job that is beneath him or her that they are unhappy with, chances are the person had a big failure somewhere in the past. He believes, for whatever reason, that he “deserves” the situation he’s in and will not consistently challenge himself. When you find someone in a life that is clearly below their potential, the chances are also good that there is some failure in this person’s past that is now preventing them from giving a 100% and doing their absolute best. The most successful people out there–no matter how much negative feedback they get from their environment–focus on the possibilities. Leaders, stars, and the most successful understand that if something is not working, it is just feedback. When I watch politicians, stars, and others crucified on a daily basis by the media I often ask myself: How can these people tolerate this? For most of these people, this is no problem at all. They are used to getting negative feedback and if it bothered them they would not be nearly as successful as they are. These are the sorts of people that are focused on the possibilities and do not dwell on the negative–this is why they are where they are. Failure and negativity is just something that is not dwelled on by people who achieve greatness–they just don’t spend their time dwelling on it or allow themselves to attach negative emotions to it. Where would you be today if you did not allow your past failures to define you and hold you back? You should focus on possibilities and use the negative things that have happened to you as feedback and not something that defines who you are.

•    Why do people care so much about where their children go to school? •    Why do people care so much about where they go to school? •    Why do people care so much about the neighborhoods they live in? •    Why do some people care so much about the clubs and groups they belong to?

I honestly do not think there is much difference between a public school or private school in terms of what the child is likely to learn. The same thing goes for colleges, law schools, and so forth. The textbooks are going to be the same for the most part and the teachers are going to be following the same lesson plans. The difference–and what I think people are most concerned about–is the environment and how this environment shapes us and our beliefs about ourselves. You are likely to associate with different types of kids with different values and beliefs depending on the schools you attend. This is, of course, not always the case, but it’s more often the case than not. The beliefs we have about ourselves often come from our environment. If we see success all around us, then we too believe we should be successful. If the people around us are all failing and not achieving stuff at a high level then we too do not feel successful. I had the fortune to attend a competitive high school and college. When I hear from people I went to school with, I am constantly hearing one success story after another about how one person has done this or that at such a high level–as well as a dose of stories of about failures. To some extent I do not enjoy hearing from people I went to school with because it makes me feel inadequate about my own achievements and makes me feel like I should be accomplishing more in my life. For example, Mitt Romney went to my high school. Hearing about all his success on the national stage has made me think to myself that I am a failure in contrast–and it makes me want to try harder. It also makes me think to myself: if this person did such and such, I could be more and I should be doing more. I never would have this sort of pressure in the back of my mind if I were not hearing all these success stories from people I went to school with. I feel all of this because of the environment I was in. The environment we grow up in and are a part of determines, in large part, the person we become. We want to rise to the level of our peers and be successful as well. This is the reason that parents are so aggressive about sending their kids to good schools. They want their children to achieve something at a high level and be around other high achievers and children with similar aspirations. Not everyone grows up and develops in the best environments. In fact, most people do not. Because most people do not develop in these sorts of environments, much of what they accomplish needs to come from within. We need to condition ourselves to have positive beliefs about ourselves. You need to create strong beliefs about yourself and what you believe you can become. Most often, the difference between those who succeed and those who do not is what they choose to believe about themselves and what they are capable of achieving. Much of what people achieve in their lives is determined by their beliefs about reality. For example, if we believe people are evil, cannot be trusted, and will hurt us, we are going to see evidence to support this belief all around us. In contrast, if we believe all people are good and that the world is a happy place, we are going to see this all around us as well. The people we grow up around and associate with can impact how we see the world, but we can impact our beliefs about our success as well. If you believe you will be successful, you are likely to take more risks. You are likely to have confidence that you will rise no matter what happens. You are likely to be more optimistic. If you think highly of yourself, you will also respect yourself more. Others will respect you more. If you believe you are a certain way, the odds are you will eventually be this sort of person. I believe that one of the most important things is adopting beliefs that help us to grow. You need to associate with and spend time with people who are going to encourage strong beliefs about yourself. The people you associate with make all the difference. You should seek out people who have high standards for themselves and spend as much time as possible with them, instead of the opposite. These people will shape your beliefs about yourself. The places where you work and spend your time are just as important as the schools you attend. You should try and work in places that are encouraging and bring out the best in you. You should try and work in places that challenge you and are filled with successful people. These people will challenge you and shape your beliefs about yourself.  Once you are in the best place possible, you should seek to work with the most successful people there. With limited exceptions, it does not matter what you do for a living. You should, however, seek to do something you are exceptionally good at and do this at the highest level you possibly can. You want to condition yourself to believe you are accomplished and good at something. The better you feel about yourself and your abilities, generally, the better you will continue to do. Your beliefs about your success and what you are capable of will, in large part, determine who you become and are capable of becoming. Seek out environments, conditions, and people that create positive beliefs in yourself. That’s a key to success.

• problems with work,
• problems with relationships,
• problems with their health,
• problems with their children,
• problems with finances,
• problems with their job,
• and … even problems with having problems.

I remember one time meeting a person who was having problems with their therapist they hired to help them with their problems. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having problems, of course.  Everyone has problems.  However, some people have more problems than others and still others use problems in different ways. Depending on how you look at it everyone has financial problems.  Some people may be having problems paying their most basic bills.  Other people may be concerned that they are not making enough money to influence the political process as much as they want to – with hundreds of millions of dollars.  (After all, if you have enough money you can go to parties and spend time with the President and others discussing policy. You can give money to giant lobbying groups that will influence how laws are passed.) Everyone has “problems” – the issue simply is how serious these problems are. I recently read a book called Delivering Happiness by Tony Hsieh, the Founder of Zappos.  Shortly after selling his first company Link Exchange for $265,000,000 in his 20s, Hsieh decided to take a grueling hike to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro in Africa.  In some detail he describes the hike as one of the most difficult things he has ever done in his life. What are the qualities of someone who would do something like this?  Already extremely successful, he made the decision to expose himself to some of the most physically and emotionally challenging circumstances he could.  Not content to relax, he wanted to push himself in a direction he had not previously pushed himself.  In short, instead of relaxing on a beach somewhere he chose to expose himself to a giant problem. Some people use problems to help them grow. Other people use problems in a way that holds them back. I once knew someone who blamed his parents’ divorce when he was a teenager for all of his problems.   The person eventually became a drug addict.  The person is now in their 40s, still a drug addict and still blaming his parents’ divorce for his problems. The difference between someone like Hsieh and the emotionally fragile person I knew is striking: One person used problems to help them grow and the other person used problems as an excuse for wallowing in self-pity and not growing. Throughout my life I’ve watched some extremely successful people challenge and expose themselves to problems –when there was absolutely no need to.  People use problems as a way to grow and become more.  They create problems in order to grow, shake things up and become more. I’ve known several attorneys making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year who go back to school to grueling programs while working full time jobs.  Why would someone possibly do this?  Because the need to complete the degree—“a problem”—is something that forces them to continue growing. Many people welcome problems because they know that when they solve the problem they may become a stronger person.

• Lose your job?  Good.  Now you can get a better one than you had before.  What a great opportunity.
• Have a health problem?  Thank goodness.  This was a warning and now you know the importance of being healthy and you can fix this in your life.
• Have financial problems?  Great.  When you climb out of this you are going to realize the importance of saving money and will always have a nest egg.

In the work world many people spend their lives trying to avoid problems.  We look for security, guarantees and want a life and career where things do not change. The “problem” is that there are rarely going to be times when there are not going to be problems for a sustained period of time. Everything changes and all businesses—no matter how stable they appear—are always going to be exposed to problems. Companies suddenly go out of business. Competition comes from abroad. Key people leave companies. The economy slows down and products stop selling and jobs go away. If you think you are in a stable job, the odds are pretty good that you are not.  Very few jobs are stable and you are always going to have a difficult time finding security. One time I was sitting in my office and I got a call from a federal magistrate judge I once knew.  He was looking for a job.  I never realized that a federal judge would be looking for a job.  For some reason I assumed that he would always be employed.   I’ve seen the same thing with professors I knew, politicians and others.  No job is ever safe. Everywhere you turn in the economy there are constant problems. Your life is no different. People close to you suddenly die. You may get very sick. You may do something bad. Your spouse may suddenly leave you. You are under constant threat from problems at work and in your own life. Your ability to solve and prevent problems will drastically influence the quality of your life.  In fact, your life and the results you get are largely a result of how you (1) prevent problems and (2) deal with the problems you are facing.  Your ability to deal with problems needs to be amazing.  The better you deal with problems the more successful you will be. Great and often lasting success comes from people who are able to solve problems. Chester Carlson, the inventor of the photocopier, was an attorney in the patent office in New York.  As part of his job, he was required to make a massive number of copies of various papers.  He had arthritis and found this to be extremely painful and difficult – he had a “problem” performing his job.  He started conducting all sorts of experiments in his kitchen and eventually applied for and obtained a patent for the process of making copies he had developed.  Several years later, the technology was licensed to what became the Xerox Corporation. People like Carlson use problems to push themselves forward.  Not only was Carlson able to solve his problem with his invention, he was able to solve a problem for millions of people.  Many people in Carlson’s situation would have looked at having arthritis as a curse.  Instead, Carlson looked at it as a problem that required a drastic solution – and he found it. The most important thing you can do, of course, is work to prevent problems and anticipate problems before they happen. That means in your personal life taking steps to protect your health, attract good people into your life and make sure that you set yourself up for success.  If you are somewhat cautious you can generally prevent yourself from running into problems. I’ve come across a lot of people in my life before that at one point or another had problems with the law, problems with being honest and other things like that.  The way I was raised and taught was that you should always work to forgive people like this and give them a second chance.  The problem, though, is that most of the time when I have done this in my personal life and business life I have gotten burned and hurt.  Doing your best to prevent problems before they occur is a good idea. Despite doing your best to prevent problems, though, you are always going to have problems. When you do have problems, though, you should aim to have good problems.  For example, if you are a sports star it is better to have your choice between playing for two teams than no choice at all.  That is a good problem to have. The only people who do not have problems are people who are dead and in the morgue. When you are confronted by problems, the most important thing you can do is focus on the solution to the problem.  Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, or exasperated, you should focus on the solution.  When you are able to confront and handle large problems, you will have the confidence that you can handle anything.  

1. Our jobs
2. Our mates
3. Where we live
4. Our friends
5. What we do with our free time
6. The number of children we have
7. How hard we work
8. How healthy we are
9. How we dress
10. What we eat

The number of things we choose is phenomenal. We choose our lives and what happens to us and shape our own destinies. Most people are more interested in blaming outside events and circumstances for what happens to them in their lives. The truth is what happens to us is almost completely the result of the decisions we make. We are in charge of our own lives and our decisions shape our entire existence. One of the most important times we are forced to choose is when we are in the position of losing a job or deciding between jobs. This is a time when a lot of people find themselves stressed out and are forced to figure out what they need to do with themselves. People react to stress in different ways. Some people start to drink a lot or use drugs. Others start exercising a lot. Others avoid people who may ask them about what they are doing. Your decision about how to deal with stress and your job search is something that can and will permanently shape your destiny and what happens to you in your life. How are you going to deal with losing a job? When some people lose a job, they decide to sue their employer. While many law suits against employers are legitimate, most I have seen are not. I make this judgment from having been an attorney who represented both employees and employers. People sue their employers because they decide someone other than them is responsible for their job and their livelihood. People make this decision to go after their employer and often spend years not working and involved in a bitter lawsuit. In the interim, they do not even look for a job. In some cases, they do not want to find a job because if they find one, they will receive fewer damages from their lawsuit. Other people who lose a job take a different approach. Instead of being angry with their employer, they may be angry with themselves. They may withdraw and stop trying. They allow this experience to have such a negative effect on them they stop trying their hardest. This is a very common reaction as well. Others who lose jobs may launch a new business, go back to school, or try to get even better jobs than the ones they lost. These are all decisions as well. You need to choose to make empowering decisions in your life and your career. In 1980, Candy Lightner’s 13-year-old daughter, Cari, was killed by a drunk driver as she walked down the street. Instead of feeling sorry for her daughter and herself, Lightner chose to found Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) to crusade against the problem of drunk drivers. “I promised myself on the day of Cari’s death that I would fight to make this needless homicide count for something positive in the years ahead,” Candy Lightner later wrote. Her organization rapidly rose to national prominence and Lightner appeared on major national television shows, addressed numerous groups around the country, testified before the government, and worked to promote new legislation. She chose to take action in a way which empowered the world and made a difference rather than allowing outside events to negatively influence her. A similar story exists for John Walsh. Walsh is the host of America’s Most Wanted. Walsh was a successful businessman living in Hollywood, Florida, and the partner in an important hotel management company. On July 27, 1981, Walsh’s wife left their son Adam in the toy department of Sears while she went to look for a lamp. Sixteen days later, Adam’s severed head was found in a drainage canal more than 120 miles from the mall, according to an account on the America’s Most Wanted website. Walsh’s search for justice and his determination to never let Adam’s death be in vain led him to fight back like few other Americans ever have. Although he’s never held political office, Walsh has been the driving force behind major pieces of child protection legislation. His hard work led to Walsh being honored five times by four presidents: Ronald Reagan (twice), George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and George W. Bush. One of Walsh’s proudest moments was when he and his wife Revè stood beside President George W. Bush, as the “Adam Walsh Child Protection & Safety Act” was signed into law on the 25th anniversary of Adam’s murder.

Walsh became the host of America’s Most Wanted after much of his crusade. The story of Walsh is one of someone who made a decision about how to react to a negative event, and this decision made a huge impact on his life and the world. Think about the things that have happened in your life and the decisions you have made in response to them. What have you done with the things that have happened to you? How can you take a negative and use it to empower the world?

People have so many reasons for not succeeding. Most of them have to do with people and forces outside of ourselves over which we have no control. It is how people react to the world through the decisions they make that ultimately empowers us and changes our place in the world. This is what you need to do. You need to make decisions that will empower you and your place in the world. The greatest weakness most people have is they never make a commitment to back up their decision. Making a decision is the most powerful thing you can do, but it must be backed up with the power of commitment. You can never do anything or reach great heights if you do not commit to what you are doing. Most people never truly utilize the power of commitment. There is a huge difference between simply being interested in something and committing to it. For example, Lightner and Walsh certainly had every reason to be interested in putting drunk drivers in jail and finding child killers. They committed to something and made a decision they would fight for what they believed in. Their decisions are what made all of the difference. In 1519, Hernan Cortes anchored his 11 ships off the Yucatán Peninsula. At the time, the Aztecs, who had tens of thousands of soldiers, ruled Mexico. In contrast, Cortes had only 608 men, 16 horses, and a few cannons. Cortes was committed to win the battle despite having so few men. He made the decision he was going to go back to Spain a winner. Cortes ordered his men off the ships and to shore. In the middle of the night, people screaming “Fire!” awakened the soldiers. They rose from their sleep and saw all 11 ships burning out in the water. The men rushed to the row boats to go fight the fire. But Cortés stopped them. He told the soldiers he had ordered all of the ships burned. They had no way to retreat – that was the message Cortés sent to his soldiers. They had to win. There was no choice. Under Cortes, just 608 men, 16 horses, and a few cannons conquered the Aztecs. The power of decision, backed up by commitment, made this incredible feat possible. Cortes made sure his troops were as committed as they could possibly be and that they had no means of retreat. Most of us decide to do something but deep down we keep the possibility of retreat as an option. What I get out of the story of Cortés, and what makes it so remarkable to me, is it shows how many of us never really truly commit to anything and any decision we are making. The people who achieve the most in this life are the people like Cortés, Lightner, and Walsh who make decisions and then proceed to follow through with them. There is so much power in making decisions and making these decisions with commitment. We may have an interest in doing something or want to make a commitment to something. However, very few of us ever follow through. We must follow through and commit. This is the difference between mediocrity and greatness – commitment to a decision. Many people are tormented by their inability to make a decision and commit. Soap operas are a perfect example of this. Lives are wrecked over and over again by the inability to commit. No one ever knows who they want to be with in soap operas, and relationships are never characterized by commitment. Everyone is always crying, and entire stories are tragic and insane. The only reasons these stories are so nuts is because the characters in them simply can never commit. You need to commit to succeed. You can go back and forth in:

1. Your choice of a mate
2. Your choice of a job
3. Your choice of a profession
4. Your commitment to your job
5. Your commitment to your mate
6. Your commitment to an education
7. Your commitment to being better at what you do

When you do not commit to a decision about what you want to do, however, you will never have clarity. Instead, you will be in a state of perpetual confusion. This is how most people live their lives. Making a decision and committing to it gives you clarity. Clarity gives you power. Most people say words like “I’ll see how it works out” or “I’ll give it a try.” This is not what you should be doing. You should say “I am doing this!” and move forward by taking action. This is the only way to be empowered by your decisions. There is a huge danger if you do not make decisions about your life and stand behind them: your life will be made and shaped by someone else. This is what happens to most people. They allow their complete existence to be shaped by someone else. Is this really what you want? You should be the one shaping your life and deciding exactly what happens to you. Do not let others and the world decide what happens to you. The people who become movie stars, presidents, CEOs, and incredible people in different professions do not just suddenly end up in these positions due to a combination of luck and fate. They generally reach these heights of success because they decide this is what they want and make a commitment to it. You need to realize you have the power to be whomever you want when you decide to do this. Decide what you want for your life and take action. The hardest part of life is making a decision and following through with it. The most amazing thing about your career is it controls so much of what happens in your life. It controls where you live, the people with whom you socialize, where your kids go to school, how excited you are to go to work in the morning, the kind of car you drive, how many days a week you work, how much you work when you are working, and more. Your career is such an incredibly important thing. Where you are today in your career is due to the power of decisions you have made in your life over the past 10 years. You have the power to change the next 10 years and make them even better than the last by the decisions you make today. You need to make decisions that will empower you and create the life you are entitled to and deserve. Start making decisions based on what you want, and do not want, and commit to those decisions today.

• It could be a coach in sports.
• It could be a certain teacher.
• It could be a parent.
• It could be the teachings of a certain writer.
• It could be a priest or other religious figure.

Regardless of who it is, most people who do important things are reminded of the strength, power and goodness they have inside them by someone else. For years I lived next to a home owned by a world famous religious figure, Prem Rawat—also known as Maharaji.  This man was brought over from India by his followers in the United States while still a teenager. He has followers all over the world and is a very important man. He is considered by perhaps millions of people to be the incarnation of God of Earth. Financed by donations from his followers, Maharaji flies around the world on his own $45,000,000 Gulf Stream jet giving speeches, meeting with followers and staying in his homes.  He has significant homes all over the world. Maharaji preaches one simple message. Maharaji has lots of critics—as most important people do.  Religious figures are always polarizing.  Jesus Christ, for example, was famously killed. Despite all of the critics, though, you need to admit that if people are constantly giving him money, supporting him and wanting to hear him speak he must be offering something to people of profound benefit.  People simply do not continue to support people at such a high level if they are not being given something in return. Because I was living next door to one of his many homes and saw his wife all the time, I wanted to know more about this man and read a few books about him.  What amazed me most is even his most ardent critics stated that he had opened the door to them feeling the presence of God. In his presence and in his teaching the people were somehow transformed. While I have never studied Maharaji, this sort of ability to show people peace, God, or what have you is profound. Therefore, despite all of the criticism about him—and regardless of the fact that he has obviously not taken a vow of poverty—I believe there is something profound about this man and what he is doing for people. Here is a distillation of Prem Rawat’s message from one of his websites:

Prem Rawat, known also by the honorary title Maharaji, has traveled the world for four decades, inspiring people to find peace within.

His message is simple and profound. It is independent of and compatible with any philosophy, religion, or spiritual path. At the UN Conference Centre in Bangkok, he said, “Peace needs to be in everyone’s life. The peace we are looking for is within. It is in the heart, waiting to be felt. It is not the world that needs peace; it is people. When people in the world are at peace within, the world will be at peace.”

From this, I take that there was a certain peace that the Maharaji gives people.  He is able to show people that peace is within them.  Everything they seek is within them. In the Book of John in the New Testament, when preparing to leave the world Jesus tells his disciples: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27) I’m not giving you these examples to convince you to become a disciple of Christianity, or the Maharaji. Instead, what I am trying to get you to understand is that people who are able to show us what we are capable of and the good that lies inside of us are hallowed as among the most important people in the world. People who are able to show us our strengths also make us stronger.

• The famous star that I met believed that all of her success came from someone showing her the skills and potential talent she already had inside of her.
• People follow many religious figures (and religions) because they show people the good and strength they have inside of them.

I love watching sports movies about sports characters overcoming the odds to achieve great victories. In almost all of these movies, it is the influence of a coach showing the person what they are capable of that enables them to achieve what they do. What is it that you are capable of that you have not yet tapped into?  The odds are very good that you have talents within you that are dormant and that you have not yet tapped into.  If you can tap into these skills and talents, you will be setting yourself up for greatness. We all possess intangible qualities and assets that we may not have taken advantage of.  If you can take advantage of these assets, it is likely you can experience great windfalls in various areas of your life.  It is all about what you decide to demand of yourself. The more you demand of yourself, the better you can ultimately do. I met a marathon runner recently in his late 40s –he is ranked in the top 20 in the United States for runners in his age bracket.  To my astonishment, he told me that he was running faster in his late 40s than he ran when he was in his 30s (when he also ran competitively). “That’s amazing,” I said. “How have you ended up improving so much despite getting older?” “It’s been all about asking of myself even more,” he said.  “I started practicing harder.  I’ve been exercising with weights.  I’ve been eating better before races.” I love stories like this.  People can do incredibly well when they look within themselves and start demanding even more.  Everyone has significant untapped power within them that they may not even realize. How much of a greater result could you get from your career if you really became aware of your opportunities and strengths?  What if you developed your greatest strengths and focused your efforts in the direction of these strengths?  The odds are your career and life would drastically improve.  Do you really know what is inside you and what you are really capable of? I recommend that everyone have a cheerleader, or mentor on the sidelines.  When I read the careers of the most successful businessmen in biographies, most of the time I find that they have mentors and people that they are constantly turning to for advice and inspiration.  This person could be a parent, it could be another business person, or it could be an old teacher or boss.  Regardless, most of the most successful people out there have people who support and encourage them.  You need people like this in your life too. People who do not reach their full potential are most often isolated—or they are afraid of criticism.  If someone is afraid of any form of criticism, or becomes defensive when constructive criticism is given, people will avoid critiquing them in the future and the person who is afraid of the criticism may be held back.  You need to be open to people who want to take you under their wing and help you grow. There is a final point here and it is perhaps the most important one.  In addition to the importance of going inside yourself to bring out your strengths and allowing people to bring out your strengths, the greatest power and success often comes to people who are able to bring out the strengths in others.  We like people who make us feel good about ourselves and bring out our strengths.  The lesson of the Maharaji is not only that success lies within ourselves but the true lesson lies in his example: Great power, wealth and influence accrues to people who are able to show people the best within themselves.        

• I convinced myself that the tobacco helped me work better and more effectively.
• I convinced myself that the tobacco made me more relaxed and made life more enjoyable.

I had so many excuses about why this tobacco was good for me that I am sure there were literally hundreds of them.  Whenever I thought about stopping, there always seemed to be a good reason for me to continue chewing the stuff.

• At parties, people would come up to me and go ask me to chew some tobacco.
• I might have a giant work project requiring me to stay up very late that would convince me I needed to chew some tobacco.

There just seemed so many reasons to not quit chewing tobacco. I’d quit in a burst of a few days, to a few weeks and then always find a reason to start again.  It went on like this for years. Over 10 years ago, I started a legal recruiting business.  I got to the point where sitting in my office all day chewing tobacco seemed to be something that simply was no longer the right thing for me to be doing. I would be interviewing people and sitting there spitting tobacco juice in a cup. I would go out on a date and a woman would be turned off by all the empty tobacco tins around my house.  I realized that I needed to stop making excuses and one day got so completely fed up that I simply quit and never looked back. The day I quit for good I went to a fitness store and spent $2,500 on an exercise machine.  I told myself I needed to develop a new and better habit for myself.  I used that exercise machine religiously for years and when it wore out I bought another one. I got into the habit of enjoying exercise instead of tobacco. For over a year later, I still had the desire to continue using the tobacco; however, I was able to quit completely. Now, the thought of using tobacco is disgusting to me. In quitting chewing tobacco, I believe I taught myself how to make any sort of change: (1) you need to give yourself more reasons why changing is better for yourself than continuing with the bad behavior and (2) you need to give yourself an empowering alternative and (3) you need to condition yourself with that new alternative. It took me at least 15 years to quit the habit and had I understood these two things first I am sure I could have quit much sooner. In the grand scheme of things, stopping using a substance like tobacco is a relatively simple task.  A more complex task involves something like changing your personality from being depressed to being happy; or, becoming permanently motivated as opposed to permanently demotivated.  Changes like these can all be made as well.  What is important, though, is that you understand what it takes to make these changes. The odds are very good there are very significant changes you need to make in your life that you should make. One of the most popular sorts of television shows these days are shows about people who need to make a change of some sort.

• There are shows about people who need to lose a great deal of weight and are locked up in camps to make this happen.
• There are shows about people who “hoard” and keep too much stuff around and need drastic steps taken to help them declutter.
• There are shows about people who are abusing substances and need interventions.

While I hate to say it, I find these shows extremely entertaining.  In most instances, none of these people have the slightest idea about how to make a change.  They are stuck in one way of doing something that is destructive to them and some will die from their inability to change. The odds are pretty good that there are one or more changes you need to make. Some of the changes you may need to make are:

• Finding a job where you are happy.
• Getting out of a toxic relationship,
• Eating differently.
• Quitting a substance.
• Spending more time with your children.
• Dealing with an emotional issue.

Regardless of the change you need to make, it is important to realize that whatever is holding you back from changing is that you are linking more pain to not changing than changing. When I was chewing tobacco, I convinced myself that the tobacco made me happier, gave me better relationships with friends and made me smarter and more able to work.  This is absolute crazy thinking.  The danger of this thinking was that it made stopping much harder than continuing with the habit.  Why would anyone want to be unhappy, have poor relationships with friends and be dumb and unable to work?  It is precisely this sort of thinking that prevents most people from making a change: We link more pain to changing than not changing. I ignored the fact that I had to have surgery to remove a cancer-like growth from my mouth and that the habit was disgusting (among other things).  I ignored all of this because I believed that if I quit the substance I would experience all sorts of unhappiness. The only way to possibly make any sort of change is to link more pain to not changing than staying the way you currently are.  The balance needs to be in favor of changing as opposed to not changing.  You need to get leverage over yourself.  If you are not changing, it is almost certainly due to mixed associations about the need to change.  A lack of change is almost always caused by having mixed associations. The most important way to change is giving yourself a strong enough reason why.  You should list the reasons you need to change and understand that changing is something that will enable you to be a different sort of person—a sort of person who is much better than the one you currently are right now.  In order to make a change, though, you need to make sure that you have a strong enough reason why.  The only way you can change is if you believe that not changing is more difficult than changing. Once you have given yourself a powerful reason why, you then need to give yourself an alternative to your behavior that is empowering. For me, this alternative was exercise.  Exercising was something that I felt was good for me, enabled me to feel relaxed and was something I could look forward to the same way I used to look forward to chewing tobacco. It was not enough to simply exercise, though.  I needed to make sure I did it consistently and developed this as an alternative behavior instead of doing something else.  I needed to do this for a long time and not stop.  I needed to continue until this healthy action was something that I always did instead of the unhealthy action I formerly did.  Pretty soon, I conditioned myself to have a new behavior instead of the old one. Regardless of the change you are seeking to make, you can generally make a change if you understand the three principles of making a change: (1) you need to give yourself more reasons why changing is better for yourself than continuing with the bad behavior and (2) you need to give yourself an empowering alternative and (3) you need to condition yourself with that new alternative. Whenever I am considering making any sort of change I always try and make a list with two sets of information on opposite sides of the paper. On one side I list the reasons for making the change and then the reasons for not making the change.  I allow this to guide my decisions of whether or not to make the change.  Once I have made the decision to change, I refer back to this often – sometimes as often as once a day. Then, I find a new behavior for myself and make sure I do it over and over again until I have conditioned it into my conscious and subconscious mind as a way of consistent behavior. Whatever change you are seeking to make, you can make that change if you follow these three steps.  

List of job search sites

In addition, I’ve also added what I feel are some good job search resources (including employers) from different industries to this list as well. However, because new job sites are launched just about every day it is important you know how to find these sites on your own without using this list of job sites I have put together for you. I want you to think back to thirty years ago, before the Internet changed the face of the job search, when newspapers in every small and large town in America had job postings. For job searchers, this was the primary source of job listings and the job listings were the primary source of a newspaper’s advertising revenue.

Contents List of Job Search Sites Finding Job Sites List of Job Boards Understanding Fees Privacy Using Job Sites

Back in the late 1990s when a lot of people started using the Internet, job boards started popping up. The idea was that there was no cost for employers to post because it was just electronic. It was online, after all. By putting the job online, it reduced the cost of advertising and printing because there was no printing and distribution of the newspaper involved. In addition, it opened the jobs to a much larger market. As the job postings migrated to these online sites, it affected the newspaper industry negatively. Due to a lack of readership and ad revenue, print newspapers across the country are going out of business. In the realm of career postings, job sites have taken over the market. You simply cannot afford to do any job search without having a thorough understanding of job sites. Interestingly enough, unless you are looking for a job with a print newspaper, this is good news for you. The number of job sites out there is astronomical, and the more websites you look at in your job search, the more opportunities you will find. The total number is probably about forty thousand job sites, but I’d estimate there are ten thousand decent ones. Obviously, that many job sites also presents a problem. How can you possibly review that many sites? Plus, with the sites being so ubiquitous, you might find you have lots and lots of competition for just one position. The first movers in this space came along and they set up job boards. The larger ones—CareerBuilder, Monster, and Hot Jobs—historically had the most jobs. These job sites followed the model of newspapers: Charge employers to post jobs. In the newspaper world, the more circulation a newspaper has the more it can charge for its classified advertising. Therefore, early entrants into the job board space sought to get as many job seekers as possible to their sites so they could charge higher rates to advertisers posting jobs. Accordingly, these sites did (and continue to do) massive amounts of advertising to attract as many applicants as possible to their jobs. While having lots of traffic benefits the job sites and employers, it should be pretty obvious that this also makes it much more difficult for you to get a job when you are on these sites. For example, it is not uncommon for an employer to receive upwards of 1,000 applications when they post a job on a site like CareerBuilder. The drawback of the larger job sites is that the employers typically receive incredible numbers of applications. The job of the larger site is to promote the employer’s openings, so you will see ads during the Super Bowl, on buses, on television, and so on. There are many places where these sites advertise with the goal of driving lots of applications. In addition, because there is very little filtering of these applications, the employer may not even get the sorts of applications they need. Many people will indiscriminately apply for jobs for which they are not qualified. For example, it is common for people such as dishwashers to apply for attorney jobs on these sorts of sites. In addition to these “mega sites,” there are tens of thousands of smaller sites. These smaller sites typically do not receive a lot of applications. Because these smaller sites have less competition for the jobs, it is often much easier for you to get the position you want. There are numerous smaller sites for niche sorts of jobs. For example, there are sites for different types of engineers, job sites for attorneys, job sites for accountants, and so forth. Because they do not receive a lot of applications, they are generally a good way to track down jobs where the competition isn’t quite as fierce. Because there are so many job sites, you have to think of who is constantly looking for employees. Historically, recruiters have been the ones looking for the most people. They are always searching for different types of employees and the larger the recruiting firm, the more likely it is that they will consistently have openings for certain types of people. Recruiters always advertise and they tend to have the most jobs on job boards. This is an important thing for you to understand. Recruiting firms generally also get special “preferential rates” with job sites. While it may cost an employer $500 to put a single advertisement on a site like Monster, a recruiting firm may be able to purchase “packages” of jobs, which lower its cost to post each job to around $75. Recruiters may also have “slots” with a job site, which they need to use at all times. This means the recruiter may be forced to advertise its jobs whether or not it has openings that it is actively looking to fill. Therefore, it is important to be somewhat suspect of the jobs you see advertised online for recruiting firms. It is also important to remember that a recruiter is a middleman. When you apply to a recruiter job, you are not applying to the employer. You are applying to someone who will screen your résumé and who may or may not submit it for a particular job. There is a final factor, which is important to understand. Recruiters charge employers fees that are a percentage of your annual salary and can be as high as 40 percent to maybe 15 percent for low-level administrative positions. If the employer hires you, they are charged this fee. Obviously, this can potentially prevent you from being hired unless you are extremely well qualified for the position. It is important to understand that using a recruiter can help you tremendously for many positions regardless of the fee. For example, many recruiters have very close relationships with various employers. In addition, a large extremely successful business will almost never care whether there is a recruiting fee involved when it hires you. Successful businesses simply want the best people and are unconcerned whether or not there is a recruiting fee. Nevertheless, a recruiting fee can put off many smaller businesses and unsuccessful businesses. There are also issues of credibility with certain recruiters. Some recruiters are simply not trusted by employers and may have bad reputations with employers. This means that using a recruiter could hurt and not help you when you are involved in a job search. The main thing I want you to be aware of is that applying to a job through a recruiter — and most job sites are littered with recruiter jobs — is putting you in a position of not knowing exactly what will happen. It’s important to be aware of this as you send out applications. Finding Job Sites With 40,000+ job sites, the main issue is finding the sites you should be using—and there are tons and tons of methods for finding them. There are many small sites that typically have relationships with certain employers, which is good. For example, a small job site for people in the medical device industry may have very close relationships with various manufacturers of medical devices. These manufacturers will be very comfortable posting jobs on this site due to the fact that the job site has developed a close relationship with them and is able to provide them a steady stream of candidates. Therefore, when you go to this job site for medical device professionals, you will see some excellent jobs that match your interests. In addition, the jobs you see on this site for medical device professionals likely won’t be advertised on other job sites. If you are in the medical device industry and looking for a job, you would be well served looking at this specific site. With these sites, it is important that you understand there are lots and lots of very specific job sites for different careers. Then there are larger sites. There are many sites out there and you really need to look at a lot of different ones in order to find jobs. Confining your search to a few large legal sites is not a good idea. It is very important that you are also searching niche sites for your profession for jobs. A good way to track down job sites for your profession is by using online directories. Let’s look at some specifics. DMOZ. One of the most popular directories is DMOZ.org. This is a great way to find various job sites. One of the easiest ways to search this directory is to simply follow the steps below. 1. Go to http://www.dmoz.org, then click the “jobs” link above. This takes you to the screen for the URL www.dmoz.org/business/employment/. 2. Once you are there, I would recommend clicking on the URL for Industry: 3. This takes you to this URL http://www.dmoz.org/Business/Employment/By_Industry/ that shows you a ton of various links categorized by industry for different types of jobs. Once you have done this, you should choose an industry. In the example below, I clicked the law industry. 4. The screen that opens up when you click on an industry-specific search http://www.dmoz.org/Society/Law/Employment/ (like I did for law) then gives you the option of looking at job listings, seeing legal recruiters, and so forth. To find job sites, just click on job listings: 5. This then takes you to the page www.dmoz.org/Society/Law/Employment/Job_Listings/ that shows you all of the job sites in a given industry: DMOZ is a good directory and a trustworthy source of information. Nevertheless, because sites need to be manually submitted and reviewed by editors, not every site will be included in the directory. Due to this, the job sites that end up getting included tend to be high quality. Yahoo. The Yahoo! Directory is also very good. We can go to “Yahoo directory job sites.” You can see that they have different things to tell you about job listings here, too. I would check that out. Here are some of the steps and screens you would follow to find job sites that specialize in sales, for example:

1. Go to Dir.Yahoo.com

Click on “Jobs” under the “Business/Economy” link on the home page: 2. Click on “Careers and Jobs,” on this page: http://dir.yahoo.com/Business_and_Economy/Employment_and_Work/. 3. Click on “Jobs,” on this page: http://dir.yahoo.com/Business_and_Economy/Employment_and_Work/Careers_and_Jobs/. 4. Click on “Career Specific,” on this page: http://dir.yahoo.com/Business_and_Economy/Employment_and_Work/Careers_and_Jobs/Jobs/ 5. Click on the industry that most closely matches what you are seeking. Here, I clicked on “Marketing and Advertising,” since it seemed closest to “sales” on this page: http://dir.yahoo.com/Business_and_Economy/Employment_and_Work/Careers_and_Jobs/Jobs/Career_Specific/ 6. You will be then take to this page which shows the sites for you to search through: These are just two directories. There are literally hundreds of directories out there. Here is a list of some of the more popular ones: List of Job Boards It is useful to use these directories to search for job sites because the information is all organized in one place. Because not all directories have all of the job sites, it is often a very good idea to search more than one directory for job sites in your profession. Whatever your profession is, the chances are quite good there are numerous different job sites. One thing you may be asking is why not just make a normal search for jobs in your profession on a search engine like Google, for example, instead of using a directory. This is certainly an option. Nevertheless, you need to understand that the way a search engine ranks different searches is extremely complicated. Therefore, if you rely on search engines and not directories you may never find the job site you are looking for. For example, in terms of optimizing their site for search engines, many job sites have no idea what they are doing. Despite this fact, the site may have very good jobs. It is important, therefore, to supplement your search for job sites with directories. Understanding Fees As mentioned earlier, job sites have carried over the same method of charging employers for a classified ad that was practiced with newspapers. There are a couple of things that are also important for you to understand about job sites. Typically, they charge fees. You may find a rare job site that does not, but it is rare (we do not charge fees to post jobs on our site www.EmploymentCrossing.com, but this is not normal). The cost to post a job on a job site can be anywhere from $25 to $500 or more. This means that the jobs you are seeing are only the ones that the employers are paying to post. It also means that the jobs on a site are dependent upon the marketing and sales ability of the job site to sell employers on posting jobs with them for a fee. I personally think that in terms of your resources, it is good to apply to the jobs on big sites, but you need to understand that by going to large sites you are going to spend a lot of time looking at jobs. Those jobs are getting a lot of applications. In general, smaller sites are going to receive fewer applications. Privacy Privacy really is a major concern with a lot of job sites. I will just go here to Google and type “Monster data breach.” You can see here that Monster had a theft of confidential information from 1.3 million job-seekers that hackers broke into. So, there are some confidentiality issues you need to be aware of with job sites. I really feel though that people hacking sites like Monster is the least of your concerns. A major concern is identity theft from posting your résumé online. People may steal your identity, which is common and a hassle. In addition, most job sites market to you and/or make your information available to others. How does that work? Let’s go online here. Here it says “one week $699” to search resumes. Anybody with an Internet connection can go on and look at your résumé. A résumé will be for sale if you post it there. That is an important thing for you to understand, that your résumé is for sale. Again, another privacy concern is with recruiters. You do not know what is happening with your résumé. Understand that when you apply for a job through a recruiting firm on a site, you do not know, necessarily, what is going to happen to your résumé. If your privacy is important to you, and it should be, this is something to keep in mind. Using Job Sites In terms of the strategy I recommend: (1)   Apply to all the jobs on the big sites that match what you are seeking to do. Set up job alerts on these sites. (2)   Create a list of small job sites using directories in addition to search engines and apply to all the jobs. Set up job alerts on these sites as well. It is very important for you to get those job alerts. When you get one, apply as soon as you review the job details. After a few hours, most employers will have received a lot of applications and your application is less likely to get reviewed. *** I want to tell you a couple of quick stories. I used to use sites like Monster and things like that when our company had jobs. This was before we were in the job search business. It was absolutely incredible. We still use it to some extent for some jobs, the ones we do not post on our own sites, in order to get huge exposure for a job that is really hard-to-fill. At the same time, I remember in 2001, after the dot-com crash and after September 11^th, we had a job for a programmer. At that point in time, the job market was at an absolute standstill for programmers. We posted a job there and I was literally getting an application every two or three seconds for several days. I had to change my e-mail address because it was so intense. Now, I think you may be able to prevent the applications from coming to your e-mail address and divert them to some platform within the site. The level of interest received by some jobs is just insane because there are so many people out there. Many people do not even look to see if they are qualified for the job. You may have a janitor applying for a job as a sophisticated computer programmer and this person has never even turned on a computer. It is important to understand that you need to really be careful, show a lot of respect for the jobs, and know that you are not necessarily going to get the best response from job sites. Once again, I recommend applying via e-mail and also letter or fax. I have gone into the explanation for this several times, but I want to make sure that you do that. If you have not heard within a few weeks, you should follow up with the employer. I even recommend that you call. A lot of people say you should not call; it can be offensive to some employers. However, if you have not heard back within a couple of weeks, the odds are pretty good that the employer is not interested in you, so there is nothing really wrong with calling. Generally, an email is fine, too. In brief, job sites are really an excellent way to track down jobs. The most important thing you can do in terms of my recommendations are to make sure you are aware of all of the sites in your niche in terms of what you do. You should set up job alerts and apply to jobs on large websites. In addition to applying to jobs on large websites, it is also very important to apply for jobs on smaller websites. Smaller websites are a very good source of jobs because the jobs will not be promoted as much and they will match your niche. Use directories and so forth to set those up. It is a good idea to make your résumé available on different sites, but be very careful with your identifying information. In this case, you want to make your résumé appear general. Do not give too much personal information. You might even set up a separate e-mail account that you check periodically or even daily. Leave off your home address. You do not want people to see that you are employed who can then go to your house while you are at work. These are some of the general things. I would do a Google search for guidelines and read the resources. Things change on an ongoing basis, so be careful with that. It does take a lot of time to distribute your résumé to lots and lots of different sites. We have a product called Résumé Boomer that will post your résumé to tons of different websites, so that is an option for you. You really need to use job sites in your search. Make the most of them. I always think it is a good idea.