The research appears pretty clear that praise doesn’t work. Isn’t criticism just the other side of the praise coin?

Very much in agreement with Kohn that Praise and Punishment don’t work, I’m concerned that no one talks about what other ‘tools’ are left in the basket for parents and mentors to use when responding to the felt needs of others….

Helping children develop a thoughtful and sensitive sense of internal motivation instead of subjecting children to external motivators (praise and punishment) characterize parents whose children turn out to be happy, capable, caring, resilient and responsible.

How do they accomplish this? Look closely at how and when they respond in word and deed to what their children say and do. You’ll hear them say such things as, “you must be very pleased with what you’ve done there” or “you look sad” or “how’s that working for you?” or “is there a different way you can do that?” or “how do you feel about that?” etc., etc.. Nowhere in these parents ‘bag of
tricks’ are the word “good boy” “bad boy.”

Autonomy, independence, confidence, self-reliance and creative dreams grow from seeds planted early in the lives of children. In fact, the research that White did indicates that by the time a child is three, how they view themselves and how they respond in their world is pretty well ‘cut-in-stone.”

So why don’t parents, caregivers, teachers, mentors and employers use the approach that promotes and encourages internal motivation? I suggest it’s primary because they’ve been so bathed in the false and destructive sea of Skinner’s behaviouralism they’ve never considered the alternative. Many still falsely believe control and conformity can only be achieved using praise and
punishment.

My personal business card contains the quote, “The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.” I appreciated your remarks about criticism. Many of us have a tendency to overlook the opportunities criticism presents. I agree with you that this tendency is highly detrimental to success – not just in business, but in our personal lives as well.