Learn from Every Experience You Have Ever Had

One of the greatest things you can do for yourself is to learn from every single experience you have ever had. Each and every day you are having experiences, and you choose what to do with them. The wisest people are the ones who see every experience as an opportunity to learn. Smart people can transform even the smallest experiences into lessons that drive them to become better at everything they undertake in the future. You, too, can learn from your experiences and, in so doing, benefit tremendously. In every experience, there are things that did and did not work for you. Your objective is to learn from what happened. The more you learn from your experiences, the more effective you will be at whatever you do in your career and life. Think back on your career: there are things that have happened from which you can still learn. What lessons can you use to drive yourself forward? How can you get better at what you want to do now? Every experience, no matter how trivial, offers a chance for you to learn. I’d like to tell you a story about just such an experience of mine and how I shaped my life by learning from it. Years ago, when I was in college and about 19 years old, I was sitting in the television room of my dorm at the University of Chicago. As I sat there with a friend of mine, Danny Weisberg, a commercial came on for a real estate seminar led by a man named Tom Vu. In the 30-minute commercial, Tom Vu was shown driving around in fancy cars and on boats with beautiful women while talking about his real estate seminar. As I watched this commercial with Danny, I was incredulous when, near the end of the commercial, Tom Vu said something to the effect of: “I came to the United States from Vietnam with no money, and the only job I could get was as a man who refilled peoples’ water glasses in a country club. One day, a very rich man came into the country club and sat down at a table. I asked him to tell me the secret to his success and he told me it came [Read more]

You Do Not Necessarily Need a New Reality

Lately I have been coming across a lot of Indian gurus. In fact, a few months ago I had one speak at my house. I also happen to live directly next door to a house owned by a well-known Indian guru. Several times a week this guru’s followers come by and maintain his yard and do all sorts of work around the property. In addition, I see these white-robed Indian gurus walking around my community of Malibu, California regularly. Just a few days ago my wife saw the actor Owen Wilson walking around with one of them. These Indian gurus have been in favor for a long time. Even the Beatles had one, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

The Indian guru may be viewed as somewhat exotic in the United States, but in reality most of us have our own gurus. In small and large towns across America each week people gather and listen to priests, rabbis and pastors talk, and people seek them out for counsel. Other people visit psychologists, coaches, psychiatrists, yoga teachers, self-help practitioners, motivational speakers and the like. Or people study various disciplines in an attempt to get guidance. Some people look up to and worship those who are rich and famous.

I have no idea why this is, but most people seem to have been born with the sense that they are somehow incomplete. Whether it is through religion, bodies of knowledge, or gurus–most people are generally seeking some answers about the state of their spirit, psyche and place in the world, and are in search of something that will “complete” them.

One of the most common messages of all religions is that we are living in this world without any understanding what is real. We see the world in many ways; however, religion often tells us that what we are seeing is not actually reality at all. Reality is found within ourselves: we do not see this reality because we are confusing the world–its sights, sounds and other indicators as being reality. Reality is actually far different from what we can see, hear and touch. It is more peaceful, happy and meaningful. In Sanskrit there is even a word for the confusing but untrue nature of the world we are experiencing, ‘maya’, which means illusion. The idea is that most people are experiencing the world as an illusion–not for what it really is.

Legions of religions, academic and nonacademic bodies of knowledge, gurus and people have drawn us to the idea that they can help us “see through” the illusion of reality created by our senses, so we can understand what the true nature of reality. The presumed promise of seeing through the “maya” is and always has been something akin to attaining peace, love and understanding. There are many ways that religions, gurus and various bodies of knowledge go about leading man to this state:

First, there is the relatively uncommon practice (to Westerners especially) of seeking knowledge within, without any outside help: Buddhists believe that each person has the capacity to see this truth by taking the time to meditate and examine his or her mind each day, and also by learning and understanding the teachings of the Buddha. The idea of Buddhism is that everyone can see the truth if they work at their own minds. Buddhists do not require money from their followers, or any formal allegiance to a particular leader or body of knowledge. They simply require that people “look within”. The problem with “looking within” is that it can take years of meditation and a great deal of solitary work. This is the sort of work that Buddhist monks are doing in monasteries. The “breakthrough” has to come from the work of the individual, and cannot by obtained by receiving the blessing of another, for example.

The term that Buddhists use for this breakthrough is reaching “nirvana”–the goal of all Buddhists. Nirvana is believed to be freedom from the ego (i.e., an “individual-centered” existence) and freedom from mental suffering. When someone reaches nirvana, Buddhists also believe that he or she is enlightened, and is freed from greed, anger, hate and other similar negative emotions. While nirvana can be explained, to be truly understood it must be experienced. This Buddhist idea is the most rarely experienced form of truth seeking. It is not at the sort of truth seeking that most people are comfortable with, because it relies on us exclusively and does not [Read more]

Your Career is More Important to You Than Anyone

I went to high school in an area called Bloomfield Hills, Michigan and lived with my father there during high school. Up until ninth grade I had lived in a city called Grosse Pointe, Michigan, which was about an hour long drive away. Since I had grown up in Grosse Pointe, many of my friends still lived there and I spent many of my weekends there visiting. One day I received the most amazing telephone call from a friend of mine in Grosse Pointe. A girl that I (and just about every other guy [Read more]

The Dangers of Getting Jobs Through Friends and Family

Men are more ready to repay an injury than a benefit, because gratitude is a burden and revenge a pleasure. -Tacitus (c. 55-120 A.D.) “Oh, I already have a friend there. I’ll just contact them.” In the legal recruiting realm, this is one of the more common things we hear after informing an attorney that a certain law firm has a job opening. There is a lot you need to consider before you decide to apply to a job through a friend or relative or take a job working for a friend or relative. First, it is exceedingly rare that a friend or family member will ever be able to get you a position. The reason for [Read more]

Are You More Specific–or More General?

One summer I was working in New York City for a big law firm and was told to go see an important partner about an assignment. I went into the partner’s office and was handed a file: “We have a deadline of next Thursday. Make sure we have filed the proper form with the SEC.” “What sort of file are you talking about, and what is the deadline?” I asked. Keep in mind that I was a law student and had no legal experience whatsoever. “I do not have [Read more]

Are You More Motivated by the Opinions of Others–or Your Own?

When I first moved to Los Angeles I found myself spending the occasional Saturday or Sunday going to Beverly Hills with a girlfriend to look in clothing stores. One of the stores that I usually ended up in was a store like Barneys, which carries both men’s and women’s clothing. Instead of sitting idly on couch near a dressing room, reading fashion magazines with the other occasional bored male, I typically would go upstairs and look at men’s clothing. What always fascinated me about the menswear I saw during these trips was that it seemed drastically different [Read more]

Why You Must Change–and How to Overcome Resistance to Change

Two of the largest impediments to us living better lives, having better careers and being everything we are capable of being are not changing, and not taking the action necessary to get us to a new place. The more consistent action you take, the more you can grow and the more you grow, the better you become. Since most people are motivated to improve and have better lives and careers, it stands to reason that in order to reach their full potential they also need to change, and in order to change they need to take action. [Read more]