• $500 tee shirts that are ripped? I’ve seen these.
• Men’s jeans made out of fur? I’ve seen these.
• A $3,000 men’s denim jacket? I’ve seen these.

Barneys has nice suits and normal clothing, of course, but it is the section of their stores that carries the trendy fashions that is most interesting to me, because there they are selling clothing that is here and “in” one minute, and gone the next. I have no idea who the people are that buy this stuff because I have never met one of them in my entire professional and personal career, but they are apparently numerous, and out there waiting to be found. They are intimately familiar with all sorts of fashion labels, and probably in most cases they spend tens of thousands of dollars per year on these fashions. There is an energy in Barneys as these men shop, because they move around with a certain discrimination and enthusiasm, which is unique to Barneys itself. In Los Angeles, at the end of the season these fashions become so undesirable that Barneys rents out an airplane hangar in Santa Monica and takes all of the “undesirable” old fashions there to sell at fire sale prices of 30% or more off of retail. The undesirable fashions are so tainted after a season that they do not even merit being sold in the store itself, and must be relegated to an industrial airline hangar far away from Beverly Hills. I can only assume that second-rate customers, who could not afford $500 for a tee shirt when it was “in-style” are flocking to airline hangars to, instead, purchase the tee shirts for $350. An even more interesting thing about Barneys is that the salespeople also take themselves quite seriously. They seem to think that it is perfectly normal for a grown man to spend $8,000 on a leather coat, and they fastidiously follow their patrons around, complimenting them on one choice or another. In addition, Barneys even offers a personal shopper service to assist men in repeating this insanity year in and year out, as new wardrobes are brought in to replace the old ones. One year I was standing around like an anthropologist, in absolute amazement as I watched a couple of men trying on $400 designer scarves that looked like pieces of white ripped sheets on an 80-degree day, and a salesman came up and started speaking with me. I have no idea what happened, and must have been overcome by the energy of the place, because within a few minutes I had given him my email address, telephone number and address. For the next few years Robert sent me email after email about new collections. He called my wife after I got married to tell her that there were “pre-sales” I should go to. He sent me cards in the mail too, and when he figured out how to use the attachment device in his AOL account, he started emailing me grainy pictures of shoes, strange looking ties and so forth. These communications from Robert were among the most entertaining I have ever received in my life, and I always looked forward to them. One day I got a mass email from Robert, which was sent to around 1,000 other people, stating that he was “making a lateral move”, and going to work at a men’s clothing store called Joseph A. Bank. It was a conservative men’s clothing store. It made no sense because the new store he was going to work in could not have been any more different from the sort of stuff that Robert had been selling at Barneys. Robert called me a few months later from Joseph A. Bank to tell me about a special upcoming event involving sport coats: “How’s it going?” I asked Robert. “Ok,” he said. “Listen, I do not know a lot about men’s fashion, but I think you are in the wrong sort of clothing store and should go back to Barneys. Your customers want hip, like from Barneys, and you went to about the most conservative men’s clothing store imaginable. Your customers are not going to follow you to the new store.” “I never thought about that. Maybe you’re right,” he said. “I do not know if you know this, but Barneys was recently sold. They have changed the whole commission structure there. Morale is really low.” I was not expecting to get into a long conversation with Robert about his job especially when, as of yet, I had never actually purchased anything from him. In fact, I was quite sure he did not even remember introducing himself to me while I had been standing, mesmerized, watching perfectly normal looking grown men flinging scarves over their shoulders and primping in front of mirrors several years ago. Robert and I spoke for several minutes and he admitted to me that, even with the commission adjustments at Barneys, he had been making far more money there than he was currently making at Joseph A. Bank. He thanked me for my career advice. A few months later I got another mass email from Robert, stating that he had made another lateral move, this time to another men’s clothing store, Saks Fifth Avenue. “NICE WORK!” I responded to the email. They have marked down all of the Roberto Cavaleri’s 20% until the 1st. Please see me. He responded. Since I had only a vague understanding that Roberto Cavaleri was a designer, I figured Robert must have been doing well, especially since, in this case, the name of the designer was Italian and sounded quite high fashion. My experience with Robert and Barneys gave me a real understanding of people because the world of men’s clothing says so much to me about who people are. In the world there are essentially two types of people: Externally motivated people and internally motivated people. People who are motivated internally will typically be motivated by the things that they believe are correct and right. In the realm of clothing, for example, they are likely to make decisions based on the things that they feel are right and correct, and not necessarily based on others’ influence. Someone internally motivated would pick out clothes that they like without being too influenced by the opinions of others, for example. They would not feel like they were doing something wrong if they were not wearing the latest fashions. The second sort of person makes decisions in large part based on what others believe is the appropriate or correct thing to do. If the fashion powers declare that tight men’s pants are in, these sorts of people will wear tight pants. If the fashion powers declare that loose fitting, baggy and wrinkled pants are in, they will wear these. People who are highly motivated by others’ opinions often have an extremely difficult time making any decisions without relying upon the opinions of others. In my experience, people out there are generally either motivated by others’ opinions, or motivated by their own opinions. I have always had a fascination with artists because, in large part, the difference between a good and an average artist is that the better artist often tries to completely ignore the opinions of others. In high school I went to a school called Cranbrook-Kingswood, which also had an art academy attached to it, and lots of graduate students were studying art there. It is actually a pretty good art school, and it was always interesting to see the projects the artists worked on around campus. One thing that I noticed is that the artists were always trying to do projects that were completely shocking and different from anything else out there. For example, one day I might be walking through the campus and see a car painted all different colors and a man lying face-down on the car, wearing nothing but a swimming suite. This sort of thing would be considered an “art” project of some sort. The idea was that these artists were all really “thinking outside the box”, and were trying to do things that were completely unexpected and of their own making. They wanted to be doing a form of art that was informed by what was inside of them, not something that copied the opinions of others. The pressure to conform to others’ opinions is a major one in our society. Numerous people out there are constantly trying to conform to what others think and believe is the right thing to do, and for this reason, most of their actions are chosen based upon what others feel and believe is the most important thing to do. The experience of the people who shop and spend their time in the “high-style” areas of Barneys is a perfect example of this. These people are trying to largely do something (in this case, follow styles) based on what other people declare to be the “in styles” of the moment. They base much of their decisions about how to be and act on the opinions of others, and not necessarily on what they are likely to be comfortable doing. They are likely to constantly ask others for feedback about how they are doing.

• They may choose a restaurant and eat at a restaurant because it is considered the best place at the time, and they want to tell others that they ate there–but they may not necessarily really want to eat at the restaurant.
• They may choose a place to work because it is considered a good place to work by others, not because they feel comfortable working there.
• They will ask for approval at work in order to understand whether or not they are doing a good job–less so than simply understanding this internally.
• They purchase things that are recommended more so than the things that appeal to them, or which they like.

People who are external-focused always use sources of reference outside of themselves to understand whether or not they are doing a good job in work and in life. If you are an external-focused person, the chances are very good that:

• You prefer working in jobs in which you are constantly getting lots of feedback and being told how you are doing.
• You like it when people help you set performance goals.

People who are externally motivated look to what others are saying, and to the outside world for guidance in their life, and to understand reality. This is how a large proportion of the world is. In contrast, people who are more motivated by their own opinions are more like the artists I described earlier. They simply judge the world and their own lives based on their own opinions about what is correct, or what is best for them–and mostly without referring to others’ opinions for guidance. These people’s opinions are generally based on what they believe, not on what others believe.

• They may seek out information from others when making decisions, but will ultimately make decisions for themselves.
• They are internally motivated, not motivated by others. They may not require management, for example.
• They resist feedback from others, and in fact, prefer little or no feedback.
• They know they have done a good job based on how they feel, not based on what others say.

In your career and life you are either more motivated by your own opinions about what is right and how things should work–or you are more motivated by the opinions of others. I am sure you know of people who are always judging you, themselves, and others based on what other people say is the correct thing to say or do. I am sure you also know of people who do not judge themselves and others based so much on what other people say is the correct thing to say or do. Regardless of which sort of person you are, it is important that you embrace this person. You are almost certainly never going to change the sort of person you are, and understanding what sort of person you are is something that can allow you to make full use of your strengths. You may be best in a job that does not require the approval of others–or, you may be best in one that does. It does not matter. What is important is that you understand the sort of person you are, embrace it, and make sure you are doing work that makes the most of your natural tendency to be one sort of person or the other. THE LESSON In order to make full use of your strengths, it is important to determine whether you are an internally or externally motivated person. While externally motivated people are directed by others’ opinions, internally motivated people prioritize their own opinions and ways of thinking in their lives and careers. Decide which sort of person you are, embrace this identity, and seek work that makes the most of your natural tendencies.

The Indian guru may be viewed as somewhat exotic in the United States, but in reality most of us have our own gurus. In small and large towns across America each week people gather and listen to priests, rabbis, and pastors talk, and people seek them out for counsel. Other people visit psychologists, coaches, psychiatrists, yoga teachers, self-help practitioners, motivational speakers, and the like. Or people study various disciplines in an attempt to get guidance. Some people look up to and worship those who are rich and famous.

I have no idea why this is, but most people seem to have been born with the sense that they are somehow incomplete. Whether it is through religion, bodies of knowledge, or gurus–most people are generally seeking some answers about the state of their spirit, psyche and place in the world, and are in search of something that will “complete” them.

One of the most common messages of all religions is that we are living in this world without any understanding what is real. We see the world in many ways; however, religion often tells us that what we are seeing is not actually reality at all. Reality is found within ourselves: we do not see this reality because we are confusing the world–its sights, sounds and other indicators as being reality. Reality is actually far different from what we can see, hear and touch. It is more peaceful, happy and meaningful. In Sanskrit there is even a word for the confusing but untrue nature of the world we are experiencing, ‘maya’, which means illusion. The idea is that most people are experiencing the world as an illusion–not for what it really is.

Legions of religions, academic and nonacademic bodies of knowledge, gurus and people have drawn us to the idea that they can help us “see through” the illusion of reality created by our senses, so we can understand what the true nature of reality. The presumed promise of seeing through the “maya” is and always has been something akin to attaining peace, love and understanding. There are many ways that religions, gurus, and various bodies of knowledge go about leading man to this state:

First, there is the relatively uncommon practice (to Westerners especially) of seeking knowledge within, without any outside help: Buddhists believe that each person has the capacity to see this truth by taking the time to meditate and examine his or her mind each day, and also by learning and understanding the teachings of the Buddha. The idea of Buddhism is that everyone can see the truth if they work at their own minds. Buddhists do not require money from their followers, or any formal allegiance to a particular leader or body of knowledge. They simply require that people “look within”. The problem with “looking within” is that it can take years of meditation and a great deal of solitary work. This is the sort of work that Buddhist monks are doing in monasteries. The “breakthrough” has to come from the work of the individual, and cannot by obtained by receiving the blessing of another, for example.

The term that Buddhists use for this breakthrough is reaching “nirvana”–the goal of all Buddhists. Nirvana is believed to be freedom from the ego (i.e., an “individual-centered” existence) and freedom from mental suffering. When someone reaches nirvana, Buddhists also believe that he or she is enlightened, and is freed from greed, anger, hate and other similar negative emotions. While nirvana can be explained, to be truly understood it must be experienced. This Buddhist idea is the most rarely experienced form of truth seeking. It is not at the sort of truth seeking that most people are comfortable with, because it relies on us exclusively and does not require that we do much other than look within ourselves.

Some people that I know, who have practiced Buddhism, have voiced the complaint that it is too much work. For example, I have a relative who used to go to a Japanese monastery and spend months there at a time. The entire time no speech was allowed in the monastery; people were simply not allowed to talk to one another. The reason for this was that the monastery and its monks believed that people needed to be looking within, not distracting themselves by seeking approval, knowledge and reassurance from others.

The other, more common methods used by people to connect with this higher understanding of reality are through other people, bodies of knowledge, or even altered states of consciousness, as achieved through drug use. Most religions and disciplines require that you give your allegiance to a body of knowledge, leader, guru, or a church. You are usually required to give money and other things in order to find this sense of “grace”.

• You may need to study and apply one branch of psychology,
• You may need to study and practice one branch of Yoga,
• You may need to pray to a certain god several times a day,
• You may need to go to attend and give money to a church,
• You may need to give money to a guru,
• You may need to put on Nikes and take poison, so that you can be picked up by a passing spaceship, which is supposedly going to bring you the knowledge that you seek.

All of these are methods of gaining this understanding, or a sense of grace, through someone or something outside of you. For example, Christians are urged to surrender themselves to Jesus Christ. Other religions require that you give a percentage of your income to find grace. Still other religions require that you follow certain diets. This, in my opinion, is where it gets interesting because, in all of these examples, people look beyond their ability to achieve enlightenment through themselves; instead, they rely upon others, who are all too eager to dispense advice and bring people this “peace” that they seek.

I do not think there is anything wrong with following religion, gurus, and so forth. What I do know is that no one can agree on what the right answers are, and if you are to believe most religions and bodies of knowledge, according to them, they are right and all other bodies of knowledge are wrong. There are so many religions, so many gurus and so many ways that people go about finding inner knowledge and peace that it would probably be impossible to even come up with a comprehensive list. There are probably tens of thousands of methods that people use to find this knowledge and peace. It seems to be never ending.

In order to experience the greatest level of success in your career and life, I believe that there is no approach that is the correct one for finding this “knowledge” of what will make you happy. If you hitch your wagon to the right religion, then you may, in fact, find a great deal of happiness. Or, if you “look within” effectively enough and are self-reliant enough, you may also find happiness.

The difference between the two approaches is that one is self-reliant and the other depends on others in order to find peace. The question is whether you can find what you are looking for alone, or whether you should surrender and follow another. This is one of the more fundamental struggles in our lives and careers, and it is something that virtually everyone goes through.

An alternative to both of these methods is deciding that everything (including yourself) is “ok the way it is”, and just going about your business, being focused on your goals. This method allows you not to be distracted by looking within, or following another. This method allows you to accept everything the way it is. However, most people are constantly looking for answers and change. What would happen if you stopped looking for answers and change? What would happen if you just relied upon yourself and upon what matters to you right now? What would happen if you allowed yourself to not be restless?

Most people spend a great deal of time being restless instead focused. They put their hopes and dreams for happiness on people, religions and things that are outside of themselves. Others isolate themselves under the belief that isolation will help them find something magical within themselves. But what if you stopped searching, and what if you just went through life accepting things the way they are?

In order to do your best work it is important that you always keep your mind focused. You need to focus on the here and now, and to believe that you can achieve the things you set out to do. You need to believe you are already complete. You need to realize that you can accomplish things on your own, and that you do not necessarily need to rely on other people, or some big change within yourself. You should accept things the way they are. You do not necessarily need a new reality.

• You might not be assertive enough.
• You might be in a bad job you need to get out of.
• You might be in a bad relationship.
• You might not be making the most of a skill you have.
• You might need to go to school and get training for a new job.
• You might need to start saving money.
• You might need to move somewhere to get a better job.
• You might need to lose weight.
• You might need to quit a destructive habit.
• You might need to spend more time with your family.
• You might need to focus your efforts on one thing instead of multiple things.

Whoever you are and whatever stage of life you are in, I am sure that there is something that you need to change about yourself and your life. If you do not change there are going to be consequences. You need to change if you do not want these consequences. If you do change, there will also be positive consequences. There are several reasons that people do not change, and why they do not change when they need to. People Say They Do Not Change Because “They Have Not Had the Chance.” This is how most people approach the idea of change. Most people are victims in life. They spend their time waiting for circumstances to change–before they will change. For example, someone who is living in a town with no opportunity may make all sorts of excuses and justifications for remaining there, despite the fact that there is no opportunity:

• They may say they are waiting to get out of lease so they can move.
• They may say they need to convince a boyfriend or girlfriend to move.
• They may say they need to save up money to move.

Someone who smokes cigarettes may blame not quitting on:

• a spouse who stresses them out
• a boss they cannot stand

You frequently hear people say things like: “Once I get done with this difficult project, I will quit smoking.” “She stresses me out so much that I cannot stop smoking.” People who blame external circumstances for their refusal and inability to change are going through life as victims. This is something a great many people in the world do consistently, and it is extremely limiting–because the odds are very good that the world will never change. People often make others the cause of their conditions, instead of accepting responsibility for the conditions that they are in. These rationalizations of why you are not changing could, conceivably, occur over your entire lifetime–and for most people they do. If you look closely at your world and your life, you will likely see numerous examples of how you have justified and rationalized, blaming external circumstances for the life you are living, the career you have, and anything else you are not changing. But external circumstances will never change. Instead, you must change. Everyone knows people who have gone through relationship breakups, divorces, and so forth. The thing about people who go through these breakups is that when you speak with them, they rarely blame themselves for the problems. It is always about the other person. You will almost never hear someone say: “The relationship is ending because I am a horrible person. I have done everything wrong.” Instead, people find any number of reasons to blame the other person for the relationship ending. They find reasons the other person is at fault. They rationalize all sorts of reasons why the other person needs to change. It is never about themselves, and it is almost always about the other person who created the problem. When you are looking for another job, or expecting a better career, don’t just sit there wishing and wanting for something else to change. Wishing and wanting will not bring you the results you are seeking. Instead, you need to take action in order to make things change–if you really want things to change. Justification, rationalization, wishing, and wanting are all things that prevent change from occurring. Do not allow your life to be controlled by external circumstances; you control your external circumstances. In Order to Change You Need to Understand What Will Happen if You Change, and What Will Happen if You Do Not Change. One of the most effective methods for changing is to be brutally honest with yourself about what will happen if you do not change, and what will happen if you change. When I finished my first year of middle school, I received pretty much all Cs. I did not do well at all. My father was traveling on business all summer and I remember receiving a letter from him. The letter said, “If you keep this up, you can expect a life of mediocrity, and you will never be good at anything.” The letter was a bit harsh, but it woke me up because my father showed me what would happen if I did not change. That line in that letter was something that I remembered for years, and it ultimately ended up changing the course of my life. You need to understand what the consequences will be if you do not make a change. If you are currently in a job in which there is no opportunity and which you do not enjoy, you can easily understand what will happen if you do not change. The odds are that you will continue being unhappy and not earning the income you are capable of earning. In addition, you will constantly be in a situation wherein you are not making the most of your potential. Because you are unhappy in your job, other areas of your life may also be negatively affected, including your relationships. To deal with the stress of your job you may even abuse food or other substances, and this will shorten your life span. Doing something you do not enjoy may ultimately shorten your life span and make you unhappy in numerous respects. You may not be respected by others as much as you could be, and you certainly will not set an example for future generations of your family. In contrast, if you make the decision to change and get a new job, find a new way of doing things, and move forward, you may find that changing was not all that difficult. You may find a job that you enjoy and you may become happier. You may make more money. You may have much more satisfaction in your job. You may become a better mother or father. Your life and career will be improved dramatically by changing, and you will set a good example for the people around you. Constantly being aware of what will happen if you change and what will happen if you do not change can benefit you tremendously. In fact, the more that you pursue change, the better off you will ultimately be in your life when change is necessary. In Order to Change, You Need to Understand the “Blocks” That Are Keeping You from Changing. One of the most persistent problems that people have with change is that they self-impose blocks, which prevent them from changing. These obstacles are incredibly serious and harmful to people–and we all have them. They involve beliefs about the “correct” way of doing things, the “polite” way to do things, and so forth. The more blocks that we have, the more problems we are likely to encounter in our careers and lives. Nowhere are blocks more prevalent than when someone is looking for a job. In my experience, I have seen these blocks prevent people from getting jobs and put them in the dumbest situations imaginable. I know of attorneys who used to make $150,000 a year but who have stupid blocks regarding how to search for jobs, and they are now are doing things like working in concession stands. I read stories every single day about people who state that they “cannot find jobs,” and they are doing nothing about this. There are many ways to get jobs:

• One way is to look at advertisements in the local newspaper.
• Another way is to look at a free job board.
• Another way is to use a recruiter.
• Another is to look at a subscription-based job board that consolidates jobs from different job boards, recruiter websites ,and employer websites, like EmploymentCrossing.com.
• Another way is to look at a subscription-based job board that consolidates jobs from employer websites, like Hound.com.
• Another way is to proactively use a service like EmploymentAuthority.com to do a targeted mass mailing to every single employer who might hire you in your geographic area (or in other geographic areas).
• Another way is to cold call employers.
• Another way is to stop by the offices of every employer in your geographic area and ask for an interview.
• Another way is to stop by the offices of every major employer in your geographic area and offer to work for free, in order to show what good work you do.

If you look at this list, however, you will see that each method of getting a job is progressively more difficult for most people to do. For example, many people refuse to pay money to look for a job and therefore would not use a service like EmploymentCrossing or Hound. Other people are loath to mass mail their résumé and do not think this is “dignified” or something that they should do. Still others would refuse to ever cold call an employer, because they might believe that this makes them seem desperate. Further, almost everyone would refuse to stop by the offices of a major employer and ask for an interview, because they have all sorts of beliefs about how desperate this would make them look, how unprofessional it would seem, and more. The thing is, though, that as you go down this list of methods of looking for a job, each one becomes more and more effective. It is more effective to use a service that consolidates job listings, and charges to look at them, than it is to not use such a service. It more effective to mail out your résumé to employers, regardless of whether they are hiring, than it is to simply sit around and hope that something turns up. There are some differentiations in the effectiveness of each of these job search methods, depending on your qualifications; however, for the most part, the methods of looking for jobs that work best are those that most people block themselves from doing. Overcoming your psychological blocks is one of the greatest challenges you will face in your road to success. Many people who are professionals, such as doctors, lawyers, and others, have a real aversion to selling things. Instead, they believe that they should be respected for their knowledge and that people should just automatically seek them out for their services. Most of these professionals have what I would call a block that keeps them from selling things. This block ultimately does them a lot of harm. Many of the most successful lawyers, plastic surgeons, and others are people who have the ability to promote what they do, even if they are not necessarily the most skilled. These very successful people are the ones who have figured out how to overcome this particular block, which pertains to selling. A block could involve something that has happened to you in the past that is still affecting you now. You may have been fiercely rejected by a certain type of person or company in the past, and, as a consequence, you now avoid these people or businesses. You may have failed when you tried something in the past, and now you avoid it at all costs. You need to understand that these blocks are something that hold you back and can make your life much more difficult and unfulfilled than it needs to be. These blocks will prevent you from taking action when you should. In Order to Change You Need to Overcome Resistance. The final obstacle to changing is resistance. Resistance is something that prevents most people from ever changing. The moment most people come up against resistance, they give up, step back, and do not try as hard. Or, sometimes they feel resistance where there really is no resistance. Regardless of what you need to change, you are going to come up against resistance in changing. The only way you are going to be able to change is if you learn how to overcome this resistance. Most people never are able to overcome resistance and, consequently, they never change. If you are trying to lose weight, for example, you need to overcome an internal resistance to dieting and exercising. Similarly, if you are trying to become better at anything, you are going to most often face resistance in doing whatever it is you are trying to become better at. The reason that most people do not end up reaching their full potential and changing is that they are not focused enough to overcome the resistance that they encounter. For you to truly make progress and take action, you need to develop focus. Focus overcomes resistance. Successful salespeople, for example, know that to sell most people it does not require only one appointment and one call. It may require eight or more calls to the sales prospect. However, the salesperson’s focus ultimately overcomes the resistance that the prospect has. Most people give up. They do not persist. You need strategies and beliefs that will allow you to persist and persevere, so that you can change. The best strategy I know of is being focused, and this focus will help you overcome the resistance you face whenever you make an effort to begin changing.

***

Nothing that is worthwhile is easy. You must learn to change now if you are going to fully realize the 95% of your higher capability, which, as of now has lain untapped.