Sympathy, Morale and the Importance of Being Organized

In every job I have ever had, I have been happy for the most part. When I was an attorney, for example, I liked many aspects of being an attorney. When I worked in the asphalt business, I loved many aspects of that business. Most people are able to find some level of enjoyment in every job that they do. What is interesting, though, is that in every job I ever had, there were always people around me who were more than happy to stop by my office and go out to lunch with me, just to give me the news that my job really sucked–regardless of what I might think of the job.

What You Will Learn There are two types of people – those who go around undermining organizations and people with sympathy and those who are proactive in helping the group to get organized. Sympathy with your coworkers and others is the surest way to create problems – it hurts you and destroys morale. The better organized the company or group you are a part of, the higher the morale. You will generally be the happiest and the most productive in the best organized groups.

• “It is really unfortunate that they are giving you so much work. You should not have to work that hard.”
• “I bet you are starting to see that this is a really bad place to work. There is not enough work to do. I would not be surprised if it went out of business.”
• “There is no opportunity here. I heard that someone was fired so they did not have to give him a promotion.”
• “People make more money at our competitors. There is no reason to stay around here when they are not paying the top of the market salary.”
• “I am going to get out of here just as soon as the economy improves. They do not appreciate anything we are doing.”

One after another, people would stop by my office, take me out to lunch, come up to me at parties and, in general, give me one news flash or another about how awful the place where I was working was. The fact was that when this first started occurring I actually really liked where I was working.

• I thought the work was fun.
• I liked the people I was working with.
• I was excited about the income I was earning.
• I liked working hard because I had enthusiasm for the work I did.
• If I was not working hard at a particular time, I enjoyed having a short respite.

However, regardless of how I felt, there were commentators around me who would always appear and find a tremendous amount of fault in my job for me. This is something that happened in every single job I ever had. I would also watch these “sympathizers” approach other new coworkers at the firms, and change them from happy, enthusiastic and bubbling puppies into dour faced, angry and resentful people–in a short period of time.

What kind of “sympathy” makes someone who was formerly happy become depressed?

What kind of “sympathy” makes someone resentful, or hate their job?

This sort of sympathy typically does not do anybody any good. The sympathizer is rarely a person who is effective in his own job, or in the world. If this person could do something about what he or she argues is a negative situation, the person would. You may notice that the sympathizer never helps you make the situation any better. Instead, the sympathizer makes you resent what you are doing and what you have. The only place the sympathizer is generally going to take you is to the unemployment line or, at best, another job–where you will undoubtedly encounter another sympathizer.

Since I started out as a young attorney I now know many people who are partners in major law firms who have had fantastic careers. These successful people never listened to the sympathizers when they stopped by their offices. They walked away, having other things to do, or they simply avoided the sympathizers completely. I now read the legal newspapers, Wall Street Journal and other publications, and I see these attorneys who “walked away” mentioned regularly.

The sympathizers that I knew have had careers that mostly border on tragic. Despite having gone to good  law schools and having had experiences with good firms, many have done things such as:

• working in five legal jobs and then taking a year off, only to end up in a career teaching pre-algebra in a private school,
• working in the human resources department of a 15-person nonprofit company,
• calling themselves “writers” and sitting around at Starbucks all day doing and publishing nothing.
• becoming “legal consultants” and having no clients and trying to live on a couple of thousand of dollars a month (my personal favorite).
• One attorney, after coming to the United States from Europe or Asia, burned through three jobs in three years and then ended up getting deported to his home country because no one would give him a job in the United States. Four years later I discovered on this person’s Facebook page that he is a waiter in Shanghai, who also repairs BMWs for a sports car dealership.

There is nothing wrong with doing any of these things, of course. But these examples are all far different from making well over a million dollars a year as an attorney, working for the top performing companies in the world, and having a high profile career for which one is highly sought after, and is regularly mentioned in the media.

My point is this: The sympathizers are generally lucky to be employed at all, whereas the people who “just walk away” from the sympathizers are by far the most sought out. Since we all rely on others for jobs, income and a sense of contribution, I believe that the person who can “just walk away” is the person who ultimately has the better career, and makes the most of his or her skills and talents.

Sympathy with your coworkers and others is the surest way to create problems. You tell people their job is crap, that they are mistreated and that the conditions are bad–and what do they do? They get angry and no longer like their job. They go to work each day feeling bad about their jobs and at themselves for having to be there.

Groups of workers may even try to “revolt” and “organize”, due to their newfound beliefs that the job place is extremely unfair. This is the history of communism, for example. Our entire world and many events within it have been influenced by one “worker revolt” after another against “unfair” working conditions, or unfair this or that. The results of these revolts are not always good.

Case in point, is Russia better off for having been under communism? Did communism work for Russia? Moreover, is the American auto industry, which has been dying away, better off in the long run due to the incredible demands it experienced under unions? Is having no job available better than having many jobs available?

Genuine, unselfish sympathy and unmotivated empathy are obviously of value in personal relationships; however, I am unsure if the type of “sympathy” discussed above is ever a good thing. I have an assistant in Las Vegas that has a friend who will not get a job because he makes more money on unemployment than he would make if he were working. He has gone out and applied for jobs and has even gotten them, but ultimately it makes no sense for him to keep these jobs. This does not make a lot of sense to me. So this fellow continues sitting around doing nothing, not being a part of society’s work force. Is this a good thing? I do not think it is. How much good does the “sympathy” of government unemployment payments do here?

When I used to live in the inner city of Detroit many women I knew of refused to get married because they would not be able to get welfare if they got married. Accordingly, many, many women decided they had no use for a man in the household. What did this do for the children? How do you think this made the local men feel? Did this mentality contribute to crime? How much good does the “sympathy” of government welfare payments do here?

Sympathy is something that can really hurt you. Society has rules and procedures, and if you follow these you will generally do very well and rise towards the top. If you sit around seeking sympathy and functioning on others’ sympathy, the opposite will happen: You will fall to the bottom.

Sympathy is something that often destroys morale. The man on unemployment who does not get a job because he makes more on unemployment has low morale. The woman on welfare who refuses to get married and is raising four children by three different husbands probably has low morale. The person who likes his job and suddenly changes his tune due to the insincere “sympathy” of coworkers who plant negative ideas about the pay scale, working conditions and so forth–has poor morale. The person who jumps between jobs and never really gets anywhere because each new employer is “just as bad as the one before” has poor morale.

I am not saying that there is no injustice in the world. There is. However, the people that have real skill in the world are the ones who have the ability to bring order to a situation and fix things. Companies and groups that have the best organization are typically the ones with the highest morale. If a company has good organization then the problems of having extremely low morale and other issues are less likely to become a problem. You should seek out companies and organizations that have the best organization. If you work for a company that is incredibly well organized you are more likely to do better than if you work in one that is not.

When you drive down any decent-sized street in America you are likely to see a McDonald’s, a Starbucks and a number of similar chain restaurants. What is the difference between these companies and your average company out there? Once a McDonald’s is put up in any town in the United States you never hear about the place closing down due to low morale or an inability to attract and retain workers. You do not hear news stories about poor morale in the Midtown Manhattan McDonald’s, or the Starbucks under the Golden Gate Bridge. These businesses just keep humming along, and very few of them fail. This is mostly because these companies and their staffs are incredibly well organized.

• Everyone knows what they are supposed to be doing.
• Everyone knows when they are supposed to be at work.
• Everyone knows exactly what is required of their job.
• Everyone knows when their next review is going to be.
• Everyone knows what their responsibilities will be if they are promoted.
• Everyone knows what they have to do (and not do) in order to get fired.

You know when you go into a Starbucks how the coffee is going to taste, how it is going to be served and so forth. The experience is predictable. The people working there also know how to do their jobs due to a myriad of training procedures they have undergone, and the feeling you get from the average Starbucks employees is not one of horrible morale or job-induced anger. Instead, it is generally a feeling of excitement and pleasure to be of service. The reason for this I believe is due to how well the company and its branches are organized.

Organizations that are well organized like your Starbucks, your McDonalds and your Wal-Marts, are usually also the most successful. They will be there with or without you. They keep going. The reason that poor morale is so difficult to infiltrate all the workers in these companies is because the processes and procedures of the companies are highly fine tuned and organized. If an employee is making trouble and not doing his job correctly, not showing up for work consistently, bad mouthing the boss, bad mouthing the company, not being productive with his time, taking unscheduled breaks and so forth, then the company will “eject” him very quickly, like a virus.

When I see a résumé of someone who has been at a variety of well organized employers in the space of a short period of time I generally know that this person is like a “virus”, who tends to get expelled from the well organized system quickly. Your best hotel chains, your best restaurants and your best companies all use very good organization to keep morale high and to keep the company productive. Efficient organizations build good morale. Poor organization leads to poor morale.

If a McDonald’s, Wal-Mart, Disneyland or Starbucks were not extremely well organized then they would have a variety of serious problems with internal morale.

When I speak with people inside of law firms and companies who are extremely dissatisfied with their jobs, the one complaint I hear over and over again is how poorly organized the employer is. When people are promoted, demoted, or fired who should not be, and when one person has to do too much work, while others are not doing enough, such issues can all be greatly improved by concrete organizational procedures, which let people know where they stand inside the organization. Discomfort, insecurity and other issues creep in when people do not know exactly where they stand in an organization.

In almost every instance where there is extremely poor morale in an organization, beneath this you will find a chaotic lack of organization. People just do not understand how things work, where they fit in and what their responsibilities are. When people understand exactly what they are supposed to be doing and what is expected of them, morale increases.

In your career and life you have the following choices:

First, you can be the sort of person who goes around undermining organizations, people and so forth with “sympathy” about their lives and working conditions. You can tell people how sorry you are about whatever is expected of them and their lives. In this process you will hurt others and create problems.

Second, you can be the sort of person who is proactive and helps a company or group get organized and get procedures in place in order for morale to improve. You can be a champion for organization and in the process raise the morale of the company or organization you are part of. The better organized the company or group you are part of, the higher the morale will generally be. If you take this route, you will find that the people who resist your efforts are most likely the same people who like to find “sympathy” with everyone around them. People who go around giving sympathy are, most often, harmful people whose sense of power comes from grinding at the happiness and egos of those around them, and undermining organization.

You will generally be the happiest and most productive in the best organized groups. The best organized groups are also much harder for people to undermine. A group’s strength is generally related to its ability to be organized.

Pretty soon many of these so-called sympathetic workers may be out of a job. The company will simply close or go elsewhere, where the staff is more friendly and appreciative of the work.

Address Small Weaknesses For Big Gains

What You Will Learn Be aware of your weaknesses and take the appropriate action to fix them. You need to address small weaknesses because they tend to have a major impact on you. You need to do everything in your power to make sure you pay great attention to critical opinions from others. Never justify your mistakes – take measures to improve yourself.

Several months ago I was trying to sell a commercial property and had the most ridiculous time contacting the selling agent.  I would get a call that would go something like this:

“Hi, I have an offer on the property.  Please call me back to discuss.”  These calls would typically come at 7:00 am or 9:00 pm, during which I was generally unreachable.

Excited about the offer, I would call the agent back. I would try him two or three times throughout the day and never reach him.  This process would go on for days.  In one case, I could not reach him for over one week.

Although I do not like to go into detail about people’s strengths and weaknesses, I can say with confidence this particular agent had enough business at the time he should not have been using a cell phone to run his business.  Instead, he should have had an assistant scheduling all of his calls or at least forwarding him his messages.

One time, after over a week of trying to reach this guy I finally tracked down the agent’s brother and explained to him I could not reach the agent and needed to speak with him immediately.  The agent’s brother was also an agent in the same real estate firm.  Around 15 minutes later my real estate agent called me back:

“Who the hell are you to be calling my brother?  He does not need to know when I am returning my calls and not doing so.”

“You called me 10 days ago and said you had an offer,” I told my agent.  “I have another offer on the property and need to know whether to take it or not.”

“I do not care!  You should not be calling my business partner!”

“Listen, you need to stop running your business from a cell phone,” I told him.

“You have no idea what you are talking about.  I have probably the best reputation of any real estate agent around here. I run my business the right way.”

“No you don’t. You need an assistant.  No one should have to spend over a week trying to get in touch with you. It makes no sense.”

The agent then hung up on me.  It would be two more days before I would know the details of the sketchy offer his client was proposing.

A few weeks ago I learned this agent was under investigation from the state for various reasons, including not having renewed his real estate license and operating his business without a license.  This detail, like the cell phone, may seem like a small one, but life and our jobs are often in the details.

So many people’s careers are stalled and in many cases derailed because they refuse to listen to various forms of advice to improve themselves.   People often believe at some point they have “succeeded” and any subsequent advice they receive is something that is unnecessary.

Many people will do one annoying thing in their job over and over again and not realize it may sabotage their entire future.  Eventually people notice and this causes their careers to stall again and again.

One of the hardest things for all of us to do is to be aware of our weaknesses and take the appropriate action in response.  However, very few of us do this. Instead, we continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.  Fixing the mistakes that people are bringing to our attention is something very few of us have the ability to do.

People often succeed for very simple reasons.  For example, one of the most common reasons people succeed is because of their ability to practice something over and over again.  Another reason for success is an uncanny ability to network or get along with people.  Just as people succeed for the smallest reasons, so, too, do they fail for the smallest reasons.

Several years ago a very intelligent young man was working for me while applying to law schools.  Because he seemed to have a good amount of potential, I started seeing if there were other areas inside the company where I could use him.  We had recently launched a company and I asked him to come up with “The Top 101 Reasons” someone should be using the company. 

After a week I met with him and he had only come up with 15 reasons. I was very surprised but told him to come back the next week with 101 reasons.

Like many people, he came up with one explanation or another about why he could not do this.  I listened, told him that was fine but I wanted 101 reasons and anyone interested in being a lawyer should be able to come up with 101 reasons to use something quite easily.

The next week he came back and he had about 40 reasons but many of the reasons were very similar to the 15 he had listed originally.  I gave him a 15 minute lecture about the importance of applying himself and doing good work and being creative.  The next week he came back with about 60 reasons and said for the life of him he could not come up with more.  Over the next 10 minutes or so, I sat with him and quickly listed an additional 41 reasons.  All I needed to do was be creative, and it was quite simple.

In spite of getting a 99% on the Law School Admissions Test and graduating from a good college with an “A” average this young man still did not know how to be creative.

“What are you going to do if you are defending a client in court?” I asked him.  “How are you possibly going to be able to defend someone if you cannot think on your feet?  You need to be able to argue a point with convincing reasons all day long.”

“I don’t know,” he told me.

He ended up going to law school and getting a job with a good law firm. I wish him the best.  I never in a million years would want to use him as my attorney, though.  This weakness is something he needs to improve upon.  It is one thing that could hold him back permanently and ruin what could otherwise be an illustrious career.

This particular man could not apply himself creatively.  He could probably do a lot of other things very well.  However, this is a huge weakness if you want to be an attorney.  This is the sort of weakness that could literally stop him in his tracks.  When he gets into a law firm and starts being called upon to be creative and create arguments, his inability to do so will likely be a real turn off to his employers.  These same people will stop giving him work and may then give the work to others.  Pretty soon no one may want to work with him.  He will then need to find another job.  This process could go on for a couple of decades unless the guy deals with the situation.

Small weaknesses have a major impact on us unless we address them.

One of my first legal jobs required me to be a very good proofreader.  While I could proofread things very well, my real interest was always in making in-depth legal arguments.  However, I was writing legal opinions for a judge and punctuation and proofreading was extremely important.  I learned and, after a couple of very stern lectures, I addressed this weakness.  When I got into private practice and worked for a law firm I never had a problem with this.  However, over the past several years I no longer carefully proofread my work and have others do it.  Recently I read something one of my former employees posted online about how I am a terrible writer and stupid because my work is not well-proofed when I give it to the proofreaders in our company.  This is an example of my weakness coming back to haunt me.  Our weaknesses will always come back to haunt us and people will always call us on these weaknesses.

About a year ago I was deluged with venture capitalists trying to give money to my business. I never took any money by the way. Due to their sudden interest in giving me money, I started reading books about venture capital because I did not even know what it was.  I am someone who helps people get jobs and not someone who understands high finance.  One book was written by a venture capitalist talking about things he looks for in the Chief Executive Officer of the company when he is making an investment.  He recounted how the venture capitalist came very close to making a $100,00,000 investment in a company but pulled out at the last minute.  The reason?  The CEO had the habit of coming into work and staying in his office.  He never left his office or walked around the company.  He viewed this as a huge fault because no one in the company ever saw him.  Apparently this was something he’d also been criticized for throughout his career.  Due to this one personality foible, the venture capitalist did not make the investment. 

When many of us are confronted by our employers with various weaknesses we react in a manner that is not appropriate.  We try to blame the person who is giving us feedback and find reasons they are wrong.  We may provide them with a series of ridiculous justifications and explanations as to why they are wrong and not making any sense.  We may point to someone else who possesses the same issue they are bringing to our attention.  This is a huge mistake.  If someone is going out of their way to bring a weakness of yours to your attention, you need to do everything within your power to make sure you pay attention.  You often do not get a second chance to address a weakness.  You need to always do what you can to address your weaknesses because one small thing could hold you back. Examples:

Not having an assistant and running a big business by cell phone.

Not proofreading your work carefully enough.

Not leaving your office to talk to people.

Not pushing yourself to be creative in a profession where it is required.

You have weaknesses. I am confident of this.  All of us do.  What are yours?  Fix them!  If you cannot fix your weaknesses, find a profession where these weaknesses do not matter and people do not care about them.  If you are in a profession where these weaknesses are holding you back, you need to quickly address them.

Many people know their weaknesses and they have been reminded of them again and again throughout their careers. They will often deny their weakness is an issue.  They will continually find reasons to justify what is going on is not a weakness–otherwise they would not be doing well.  This can happen in your personal or your work life.  Many people simply cannot address their weaknesses.

I know a man who in his late 30s never had a girlfriend for more than two weeks.  He is good looking and successful.  He has a good personality and is very easy to talk to.  He does not have any major personality or other weaknesses except one: he is incredibly cheap.

A gorgeous girl could walk up to him and start talking to him and he might get her phone number.  He would then go over to her house and pick her up for a dinner date.  Typically the girl would be all dressed up and excited to be going out with such a seemingly great guy.  She would be in for a surprise.  He would take her to a restaurant like Burger King for dinner.  In the car he would explain to her he always likes to “go Dutch” on his first few dates.  The woman would be astonished not only because she was taken to a fast food restaurant, but also because she was forced to pay for her share of the meal.

It gets worse, however.

In the car he might bring up the fact he really likes the girl and there is no reason she should have to share the expense of the gas required to get to Burger King.  Once he gets to the restaurant, he would only order something like french fries because he will have eaten a peanut butter sandwich or something before going out on the date to save money.  If he manages to ever get a girl to come to his apartment, she would be astonished to find he is an attorney living in a 300 square foot studio apartment in a bad neighborhood with furniture that looks like it was purchased at a garage sale.

I have no idea what this guy does with all his money.  He does not use drugs and he does not support his parents.  I think he just has an aversion to spending a single cent.  I remember about 10 years ago a girl I was dating at the time sat him down to have a conversation with him about this because she thought the entire thing was so bizarre.  He is a good-looking successful guy with a good personality and girls would go out with him and date him in a second were it not for this.  She tried everything she could to show him the error of his ways.  I tried this before and at least one other person I know tried this.

“Are you kidding?  Girls love me! I do not need to do anything differently,” he always said.  He is still denying this is an issue today.  He could fix this. I do not know if it would require therapy, but he could fix it.  Once he fixes it his life will change.  He will know more people and have a different life.  This one thing is holding him back, and he is in denial this is the reason his is so alone.  It is very sad but it would be easy to fix.

Are you in denial about something you’re doing? You never want to be in denial about anything that can be improved and would change your life for the better.  You need to do everything within your power to address small weaknesses that may be holding you back.

The worst thing we can possibly do is be delusional about our small weaknesses.  When most people are confronted with a weaknesses they may choose to not pay attention.  Pay attention to your small weaknesses.

The worst possible thing we can do when someone confronts us with our small weaknesses is to lash out and attack them.  Many of us will discredit the messenger and tell them there is something wrong with them.  It is not our fault. There is something wrong with the messenger.

One of the most astonishing things that ever happened to me was several years ago when I lived with a woman I’m no longer dating.  For many years, I liked to go to 7-11 in the morning and get a Big Gulp Diet Coke which I would drink when driving to work.  One day I went to the 7-11, got my Coke, and as I was driving to work I decided it didn’t have enough ice.  Since I was close to home, I decided to get some more ice there. I must have been very quiet when I went into the house because after I got my ice I overheard my significant other in the back yard talking on a cordless phone.

“I just want Harrison to go out of town,” I heard her say. “I am sick of having to meet in hotel rooms for illicit sex with my other boyfriend during the day when Harrison is not home.  I want to spend some quality time together sipping wine and just getting to know him.  I cannot do this when Harrison is around.”

This particular person had been through a series of relationships which always ended because she could not commit.  I thought this history was behind her and we could have a relationship.  I was wrong.

I continued to listen to her conversation for the next 30 minutes. She went into vivid detail about how she was having a full-on affair with someone else.  I was absolutely astonished at what I was hearing and I remember my knees going weak and my body sinking to the floor.

My significant other eventually ended the conversation and walked into the kitchen where I was collapsed on the floor, my heart racing and feeling extremely confused and angry.

“Why aren’t you at work?” she asked.

“I just heard your entire conversation,” I said.  “I’m sorry.  I came home to get some ice and did not mean to but I overheard you talking on the phone.  I’m in a state of shock.”

My significant other stared at me for about 15 seconds without saying a word.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” she said.  “I was talking to my mother about the dog.  You must have been hearing things.”

This was one of the more astonishing episodes of my life.  I was confronting her with irrefutable evidence of philandering and she simply denied she’d said any such thing.  She turned the evidence around and tried to say I had literally heard a conversation in my head that was not actually spoken.  In this case, the messenger of this information was me and I was attacked.  Had it been someone else who had overheard this I am confident his or her reliability would have been attacked as well.  When many people feel criticized they attack the messenger instead of facing the problem or weakness head on.  As far as I know, this person is still unable to commit.  Who knows how this is affecting her life.  I imagine if she could address this one weakness she would be much happier.

Despite whatever success you have had, there is a good chance there is a weakness you have that is holding you back.  Do not blow this weakness off.  If someone brings the weakness to your attention, address it and do not attack the messenger.  Our greatest improvements come when we fix small things that are holding us back.